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to preach an’ git holt uh some money.
    They went on to de church house an’ one of ’em took de pigeons an’ clammed up in de loft, an’ de other one took his seat in de pulpit.
    When de people come, he tole ’em he wuz uh preacher an’ uh God-sent man: so they let ’im preach.
    Him an’ his partner had done made it up dat everytime he call for uh pigeon from heben, de one up in de loft would send down one so de people would think it come from heben. Dey knowed dey wuz going tuh get uh good collection after that.
    De one dat wuz preachin’ reared an’ he pitched. De church got all warmed up. After awhile he thowed back his head an’ hollered, “If I be uh God-sent man, send me down uh pigeon from heben!”
    De one up in de loft sent down uh pigeon. De people begin tuh shout.
    He preached on awhile an’ he hollered agin, “If I be uh God-sent man, send down another pigeon!”
    Down come another pigeon. De people wuz goin’ wild. Some of ’em even got skeered an’ crep’ out de church.
    He preached some more, den he hollered de third time, “If I be uh God-sent man, send down another pigeon!”
    De pigeon didn’t come. He hollered agin, but no pigeon. He figgered his buddy mus’ be sleep so he hollered still louder. De one up in de loft wuzn’t sleep. Dat last pigeon had done got loose an’ he wuz tryin’ tuh ketch ’im, so when his buddy kept on hollerin’, he hollered down, “You kin wait till I ketch ’im, cantcher?”
    —C LIFFERT U LMER .
     
    There was a church at my home that couldn’t keep a pastor. So they changed pastors as regular as jumping checkers. So at last one of the deacons said, “I’ve found the man.”
    So on Saturday he come to preach Sunday, so the deacon advised him to be particular for he had a peculiar people to deal with.
    He said, “Oh, I’ll suit the people all right.”
    So on Sunday everybody was in a hurry to get to church. When he got up to address the congregation he said: “Brothers and sisters, it affords me no small source of pleasure of being with you today.”
    So his favorite deacon whispers to him and says, “Be careful, for God’s sake! Don’t tell a lie.”
    The preacher said, “I want to sing one of my favorite songs suited to common meter.” So he gave it out—“O for a thousand tongues to sing my Great Redeemer’s praise!”
    One old deacon back in the corner said, “Come on down! Come on down from there! You have lied to start with—got a thousand tongues singing a song I can sing with one tongue. Come on down.”
    And that’s all he got to say in that church, and when I left home they were still pastorless.
    —J OE W ILEY.
     
    Once there wuz an ole lady so par’lyzed tuh not do nothing. One day she wuz in church, so de preacher put a man in de loft of de church and told him, when he say, “De Lawd is coming by”, to go tuh tearin’ off de shingles and make uh fuss.
    He begin to preach. He said, “De Lawd is coming by,” man begin to tear shingles and make a fuss. Everything begin to run, and this par’lyzed lady led de crowd hollerin’, “De Lawd is coming by.”
    —E DWARD M ORRIS.
     
    There were once an old fellow, a farmer, and he had cleared some new ground, and he had a lil son and when he went to cultivate this land he put his son out to plow it with a very contrary mule; and de boy was plowing and de mule was going contrary, and de boy begin to curse and rear at de mule. So a preacher was passing at de time to revival meeting, and he heard the boy cussing and he ast de boy why did he cuss so bad and why didn’t he pray. And de boy told him that a man couldn’t pray and plow new ground, and so de preacher begged de boy to come to church dat night—which he did.
    De preacher says, “You never hear me cuss, smoke, drink or lie, and if you ever hear or see me doing any of those things—you just whistle.”
    De preacher talked on and said, “Nothing could pick the grass as close to the ground as a goose,” and