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Hoynes’ living room, nursing cups of tea. The fuller figures of Marjorie and Maggie bookended a birdlike woman, with a tiny face and hair scraped back in a scraggy bun.
    â€˜He canna hauld his drink. The least wee tipple an’ he’s singing like a bird,’ griped Geordie McCallum’s wife Beth. ‘You jeest have tae be careful how you go aboot getting any sense oot o’ him.’
    â€˜If they think they’re going to spirit my Duncan off they can think again. That’s not going to happen.’ Maggie lifted her chin and stared from one woman to the other. ‘He’s finishing early today, and we’re going to get him a suit for the honeymoon.’
    â€˜You better hope he’s no’ finished already and doon the Douglas Arms wae that faither o’ yours.’ Beth shook her head to emphasise the seriousness of their predicament. ‘They’re taking someone tae oor wee bothy – who else could it be, Maggie? Aye, an’ whoot’s goin’ tae happen afterwards?’
    â€˜And how can we stop them?’ pondered Marjorie. ‘I know my husband – he’s like a dog wae a bone. He never gies up. If he sets his mind on something, he’ll go hell for leather tae make it happen. As soon as I got him interested in fridges, there was no stoppin’ him.’
    â€˜That was a good piece of logic, Marjorie. How on earth did you manage that?’ asked Beth.
    â€˜Dead easy. I jeest telt him a’ the money we’d lose whoot wae food going off in the pantry. Did he no’ go oot and do something that very day. Ordered the contraption and everything.’
    â€˜He doesn’t like it, though,’ said Maggie. ‘Swears blind it makes the cheese lose its flavour.’
    â€˜It doesna improve it any, right enough,’ said Marjorie. ‘I always put a wee dollop o’ mustard in wae a cheese sauce. Try it, Beth, gies it a great flavour.’
    â€˜Mother, we’re losing the thread here. Beth’s not interested in making a cheese sauce, when her man’s about to be caught up in the machinations of my father and his trusty assistant.’
    â€˜Well, whootever it is, they canna dae it waeoot a Land Rover. That’s where oor Geordie comes in.’
    â€˜Is that no’ it sittin’ at the front gate, Beth?’
    â€˜No, that’s the auld yin. I cut aboot in it maist o’ the time. It’s a wee bit temperamental, but I nurse her through. The only way tae get oot the road. Geordie bought yin for himsel’. It was only second-hand, but he wishes he’d no’ bothered noo, whoot wae the fishing goin’ tae the dogs. Mark you, it’s always stinking o’ fish.’
    â€˜So they think they’re going to imprison my Duncan then send him goodness knows where. It’s time to get down to the Douglas Arms and put a stop to it all.’
    â€˜Aye, but we’ll have tae ca’ canny, Maggie,’ said her mother. ‘Think, once we’ve caught them, we’ll have them that guilty, they’ll no’ stray for weeks, right through the wedding and beyond. We can put all this nonsense o’ my Duncan’s stag night behind us. Jeest gie them enough rope.’
    â€˜We need to keep a watching brief, Sergeant,’ said Marshall the Customs Officer. ‘I don’t want us going off half-cocked and them getting off on some technicality.’
    â€˜I have Hoynes banged to rights with that octopus. But I agree, we need to bide our time. Just give them enough rope,’ whispered Watson.
    Grant, Marshall and Watson were in the back of a police van, staring across the road at the Douglas Arms through a gap between the front seats. Though it was July, lowering cloud and a downpour of rain darkened the scene.
    â€˜Could you not go and issue some parking tickets, Sergeant. I can see at least three candidates from here. It’ll distract attention from the