cottage at the end of the lane, but getting there was a slow chug just the same. By the time I arrived, I had developed the ache in my hand that I thought of as Crutch Fist, and Gandalfâs blood was stiffening on my shirt. There was a card tucked in between the screen and the jamb of the front door. I pulled it out. Below a smiling girl giving the Girl Scout salute was this message:
A FRIEND FROM THE NEIGHBORHOOD
CAME TO SEE YOU
WITH NEWS OF DELICIOUS GIRL SCOUT COOKIES!
ALTHOUGH SHE DIDNâT FIND YOU IN TODAY,
Monica WILL CALL AGAIN!
SEE YOU SOON!
Monica had dotted the i in her name with a smiley-face. I crumpled the card up and tossed it into the wastebasket as I limped to the shower. My shirt, jeans, and blood-spotted underwear I tossed into the trash. I never wanted to see them again.
x
My two-year-old Lexus was in the driveway, but I hadnât been behind the wheel of a vehicle since theday of my accident. A kid from the nearby juco ran errands for me three days a week. Kathi Green was also willing to swing by the closest supermarket if I asked her, or take me to Blockbuster before one of our little torture sessions (afterward I was always too wiped out). If you had told me Iâd be driving again that fall, I would have laughed. It wasnât my bad leg; the very idea of driving put me in a cold sweat.
But not long after my shower, thatâs what I was doing: sliding behind the wheel, keying the ignition, and looking over my right shoulder as I backed down the driveway. I had taken four of the little pink Oxycontin pills instead of the usual two, and was gambling theyâd get me to and from the Stop & Shop near the intersection of East Hoyt and Eastshore Drive without freaking out or killing anyone.
I didnât tarry at the supermarket. It wasnât grocery shopping at all in the normal sense, just a quick bombing-runâone stop at the meat-case followed by a limping jaunt through the ten-items-or-less express lane, no coupons, nothing to declare. Still, by the time I got back to Aster Lane I was officially stoned. If a cop had stopped me, I never would have passed a field sobriety test.
None did. I passed the Goldsteinsâ house, where there were four cars in the driveway, at least half a dozen more parked at the curb, and lights streaming from every window. Monicaâs mom had called for backup on the chicken-soup hotline, and it looked like plenty of relatives had responded. Good for them. And good for Monica.
Less than a minute later I was turning in to my own driveway. In spite of the medication, my right leg throbbed from switching back and forth between thegas and the brake, and I had a headacheâa plain old-fashioned tension headache. My main problem, however, was hunger. It was what had driven me out in the first place. Only hunger was too mild a word for what I was feeling. I was ravenous, and the leftover lasagna in the fridge wouldnât do. There was meat in it, but not enough.
I lurched into the house on my crutch, head swimming from the Oxycontin, got a frypan from the drawer under the stove, and slung it onto one of the burners. I turned the dial to HIGH, barely hearing the flump of igniting gas. I was too busy tearing the plastic wrap from a package of ground sirloin. I threw it in the frypan and mashed it flat with the palm of my hand before scrabbling a spatula out of the drawer beside the stove.
Coming back into the house, shucking my clothes and climbing into the shower, Iâd been able to mistake the flutters in my stomach for nauseaâit seemed like a reasonable explanation. By the time I was rinsing away the soap, though, the flutters had settled into a steady low rumble like the idle of a powerful motor. The drugs had damped it down a little bit, but now it was back, worse than ever. If Iâd ever been this hungry in my life, I couldnât remember when.
I flipped the grotesquely large meat-patty and tried to count to thirty. I figured a