congregation, be a real rabbi again. So Momma could be the rabbiâs wife again, like back in the village.â
Hokhmah unconsciously twisted and retwisted the damp bedsheet. âI did everything Momma said to. I quit college to help Poppa in the store. I helped her in the house. I helped Essie and you. I watched Avraham get sent all the way through college, and him only half so smart as me.â
âHokhmah, you crazy or what?â Yetta chided. âAvraham would need to support a family in time. You know that.â
âAnd when Poppa died I took care of her. Other women my age had children already. Thatâs how sheâd taunt me. Never a word of thanks I stayed with her instead. All those years, singing only to myself in my room but quiet, quiet , so she wouldnât hear and have her heart wounded by my voice â¦â
Yetta sighed and wiped her glasses on her skirt hem. âSo? Who knows? You think anybody else gets to do what they want? Life takes and does on you how it likes.â
But her sister rambled on, caught up in an eerie energy of bitterness. âI saved up my pennies scrimped from household money, and I bought the music and learned them in secretâall the arias I might have sung. All of them still there, fragments of melody inside my head, snatches never coming together wholeââ
âAch, you donât even know what youâre saying anymore, Hokheleh, youâre so tiredââ
âNever one full coming-together American meal at home. Always the day-old bread, the cheapest cuts, always either dairy or meat, always the kosher kitchen even after Momma got sick and I had to keep it, her sharp eyes spying out when I tried to sneak and not wash everything separatelyâdishes, silverware, pots, pans.â
Yetta stared at her in amazement. âNow thereâs something wrong with keeping kosher? Godâs own Law isnât good enough for you? Like Broitbaum wasnât a good enough name for you? You always gotta be different?â
Hokhmah shut her eyes. âOh, you donât know,â she said listlessly, âyou donât even know what an aria is . Whatâs the use of trying to make you understand?â
âItâs him put that into your head,â Yetta grumbled. âLike Momma said, he might as well have come from goyim , your precious David. Not a religious man, notââ
âHeâs not Orthodox. Heâs an educated man, Yetta. And he did always fast on Yom Kippur.â
âI should give him a medal?â
âI bet him and Poppa wouldâve liked each other, though. Educated men, I meanââ
âPoppa knew the Talmud like a genius. Your fancy David ainât good enough to clean Poppaâs boots.â
Hokhmah buried her face in the pillow. Not to have to hear it anymore. Was that one of the reasons she had loved David? Because he taught her that she could eat ham and lobster and laugh about it and not be struck dead by Jehovah? Because he recognized what she was singing when she sang? She heard her sister rise and move about the small room, arguing with herself.
âEmpty he was, your David, behind the eyes. I saw that. I saw it when I went with you to meet him and the other refugees at the dock. Momma knew. âWe donât got troubles enough of our own?â she said to me. âNow Hokhmah has to play big-shot Miss Millionaire? She has to volunteer to sponsor some high-class snob who just discovered pogroms exist? Some pretend goy who wouldnât lower himself to speak to the likes of us in the old days?â Nu? Momma was wrong? Time proves.â Hokhmah could hear her busily rearranging the few items on the bedtable. âMomma saw the emptiness, when she met him.â
âI saw it, too, Yetta,â came the muffled reply, âbut I knew it was there fromâfrom loss. Not from what Momma saidââa soul full of scorn.â Momma kept hissing any
Marteeka Karland, Shara Azod