have to go. I’m taking my car. Devlin said you both had his if you need to go anywhere. Is that okay? I can leave it if you think you might have to use it. I don’t mind taking the bus.”
“No.” I shook my head , not wanting her to worry about us. “We’ll be fine.”
She kissed my cheek , throwing me that heartwarming smile I loved. She really was an amazing mother. I counted my blessings for having someone so supportive. She’d kept my secret from Devlin for years, even though she couldn’t stand it. She also didn’t mind voicing her opinion on the matter, which I respected. “Good. I’ll call and check on you when I get there.”
“Drive safe, ” I said, lowly.
As I watched my mother walk out of the door, I nearly broke down completely. Something told me she wo uldn’t be back. Not to live, anyway. God, this was too much. How had the last two days turned out this way? I headed back to the room. Did I really need to ask? It was all because of me. I did this.
“Is she go ne?” Devlin glanced up, but went back to fixing the pink bow Ava had in her hair. My feet faltered for the briefest moment. His finger wrapped around one of her curls and the love on his face was clear. My heart soared and ached at the same time. Guilt for what I had done sank deep into my bones.
“Yeah.” I sat on the edge of the bed, my back to them. Could I do this? Live here with him now that my mother was gone ? That made our situation a lot different. There’d be no buffer. Nothing stopping either of us…nothing restraining us. My mom was my rock. She kept me sure-footed and gave me the mentality that I could take on the world all by myself. She had. Now, I’d be put to the ultimate test. I loved Devlin. Loved seeing the way he was with Ava. It made me melt and the feelings were growing with every adored look he gave her. But…
“You okay?”
The bed bounced at Ava’s jumps and I nodded, not trusting myself to look at him.
“What time does she usually eat? Is there any thing in particular I should feed her?”
I looked over at the clock on the nightstand. It was close to eleven. Lunch time. “She could probably eat now. I’m sure she’s getting hungry. We usually lay her down around noon for a nap, but my mom said she woke up pretty early so she might already be getting tired.” I stood, walked to the dresser, grabbed pajama bottoms, and slid them on.
“You can stay in bed. I can take care of it. Just let me know what to feed her.”
Hell, I had no idea what was even in my refrigerator. My mom had taken care of the shopping for so long. She usually did the cook ing since I worked so much. Wow, had I thought I’d been taking care of things? She took care of the house, most of the laundry, dishes, shopping, and Ava…I’d been in the role of the breadwinner. The supporter.
“It’s okay. I should really find something too.” I walked toward the door and Devlin stood, following. My fridge consisted of the usual. Milk, cheese, yogurt, lunch meat. I grabbed the ingredients and began making her a sandwich.
Devlin had already sat her in her high chair and I cut the sandwich into small pieces before I placed it on her tray. I was exhausted by the time I put the food away.
“Aren’t you going to eat?”
“I don’t think so.” I started to head to the room when he reached out and grabbed my wrist, gently pulling me in his direction.
“You really need to eat.” The demand was there, even if he was trying to act restrained. “It might be hard or unappealing, but think about the baby.” The brush of his hand over my stomach almost made my eyes close. I wasn’t used to being touched. Not by a man, by him . The heat that emanated from my body left me longing for more. But that couldn’t happen. Not like I wanted. He wasn’t interested in me in that way anymore after what I’d done. Now, I was only the mother of his children.
My head lowered and he moved me to sit on the chair. “Now’s not the time