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country has their fingers crossed.
    In other celebrity news, former boy-band star Kade Ino is about to launch a new deluxe cologne exclusively for infants. The fruity scent will debut at Berringers Supermarkets later this month. "I've cherished the creative process of forging this unique and special fragrance for all the newborns of my incredible fans. I'm very proud of it and hope you love 'Essence of Babe' as much as my young ones do. You all have my heartfelt thanks for constantly being at my side. All my love, now and forever, Kade," a statement on the prolific star's official website read.
    You can already pre-order your infant's new cologne on the Berringers Online store for an affordable 59.99. It is specially designed to enhance the natural scent of infants with various chemical approximations of the scents of fruits, berries, and even hugs. Delightful.
    The terror-threat level is currently set to Deep Crimson X3++. Serious threat of terrorist attack imminent. Take care, Orninicans.

CHAPTER SIX

    Student

    I'm so sick of TV, all it is anymore is a bunch of angry old dogs barking orders at each other. Talking about budget this and tax hike that, minorities, migrants... Fuck it all. It's all a bunch of malarkey, none of it's real. They only put that crap on there to make us focus on petty bullshit instead of what really matters.
    Everyone gets all bent out of shape defending their dumb-ass convictions that are really, honestly pretty fucking similar to their opponent's dumb-ass convictions, if you ask me. Just a bunch of meaningless bickering to keep us all distracted while the big dogs upstairs keep on raking in their moon juice or whatever the hell gives them the power to take a shit all over us and call it charity.
    It's almost enough to make me want to throw my iYglass out the window once and for all. But there's this girl I've been talking to on it, she seems like she might be into me almost... Like, she asked if I'm going to get the new expansion pack for this bad-ass game we both play. If I want to team up with her on it and tear some shit up together. That's gotta be admissible evidence, right? She probably wants a taste, right?
    I was trying to tell her the other day about how the gov is all out to control us and shit, sending some kind of subliminal messages to our modules to make us eat our kibble and sing our ABC’s like good little hamsters, never asking questions or talking back. But she was all like, “I have a hamster called Joe.” I mean, what the hell? And she was going on about her dumb little hamster and his stupid toys for a half hour before I got bored of it and told her I was going to log on to a different lobby.
    I don't think she took it really well, when I came back later she wasn't on, and she hasn't talked to me much since then. But, screw it.
    My dad was being a major dick again yesterday, trying to make me go to this junior dentist retreat thing for the summer. It's some kind of camp for us with dentists for dads. Like having a freaky tooth fetish is inherited or something. I mean, it's my last summer before college, why should I waste it like that? But he did say he'd get me a car if I went, so that's pretty tempting. I might have to check out some car lots.
    He's always saying I haven't got any direction, like I'm supposed to be a street sign or something pointing the way to Rupulfort Road. Like life's just a straight line to some shitty little office no one comes back from, and you have to pay to get there and keep paying everyday to stay there. And oh yeah, you have to act like a giant dick-turd all the time or they don't let you stay.
    I keep on trying to tell him, I'm not going to be a dentist, I don't even like touching teeth, it seriously grosses me out. But he keeps on talking louder than me so he doesn't hear it. And sometimes if he does hear it, he just keeps yelling, “So what are you going to do? What are you going to do with those grades of yours? Tell me, what are you