meeting mine. “Do it anyway.”
I am cold and I don’t want to go yet and I do want to … be close to him.
I swallow hard and then come at him sideways, slowly putting my weight on him. “Imagine a cartoon bubble above my head that says, ‘gulp’.”
Gabe opens the front of his down jacket and wraps it around my body, forcing me to rest my shoulder against his chest. I tuck my chilly hands between my legs. Our faces are close and his breath is warm on my cheek.
“Feel okay?” he asks.
I nod. “You?”
“All good as far as I know.”
We look out over the city and I match my breathing to his, or he matches his to mine. I close my eyes. The world falls away and I’m weightless.
“I don’t talk to anyone about anything, Gabe, least of all about my mom. But I need you to understand something. There’s nothing wrong with you. Her opinion, her judgment, there’s something off about her and she’s only gotten worse since Liam…”
Gabe tips my chin up with his crooked index finger. “So, that’s true?”
“It is,” I say, checking his expression for any signs of judgment. I’m relieved when I don’t see any. “My super popular, golden boy brother is a cross dresser and he works as a drag queen named Hollee Golightlee and he’s happier than he’s ever been.” I fish my phone out of my pants pocket and bring it up between our chests, showing him an Instagram from Liam’s last drag show.
“Is it weird that I kinda want to bone him?” Gabe asks, grinning.
I pull my head back, surprised. “I think it’s weird you want to bone anyone. I figured your action didn’t work.”
His grin becomes a smile and his eyes go wide. “My brain still wants things and sometimes my body cooperates.”
Interesting. “Huh. And your brain wants my brother as Hollee?” Had I got my signals way crossed?
Gabe blushes, but pulls me closer to him, whispering. “I think it’s because he looks like a tarted up version of you.”
“Oh.”
His gaze falls to my lips and I know he’s going to kiss me. And I want him to kiss me, but not while I’m still with Andy.
“Can you drive me to my swim class tomorrow night?”
Gabe’s eyes trail back up to mine and he nods. “Sure.”
“It won’t be uncomfortable for you to be at the pool, will it?”
He shakes his head no. “Not any more uncomfortable than talking about my penis and then trying to kiss you.”
I snake my phone hand out of the coat cocoon and point directly above my head. “Cringe.”
The phone pings and a text from Andy pops up on the screen.
Ur mom says ur on a date?
I press the screen to my chest, but Gabe has already read it.
“You can tell him exactly what you’re doing. Nothing wrong is going on here.” He nudges me off his lap. “Well, mostly, and that’s my bad, not yours.”
I back away from him a few steps and pull myself together.
I’m not on a date. I’m out with a friend. Remember Gabe Riley?
Yeah. Ur mom being a bitch cuz hes handicapable?
My chest tightens. Andy knows me and my circumstances pretty well, when all is said and done, and I’ve almost betrayed him.
Exactly. Sorry she freaked you out.
No worries Luv u babe.
Love you.
I put my phone back in my pocket, the weightless feeling I’d had earlier completely evaporated, so many secrets and so much guilt heavy on me. I take a deep breath in and blow it out slowly.
“Everything okay?” Gabe asks, wheeling toward the inside hallway.
I nod.
“That was really convincing, Dork Patrol.” He holds the door for me and I walk past him, hugging myself to keep from shivering.
Chapter Six
Friday is busy and I’m thankful for it. I don’t have to think about or say anything besides “what’s your last name?” and “that’ll be $9.75.” I work straight through lunch, as does Junnuen, so when I see a tiny break, I run upstairs to grab some fresh coffee for the both of us and a handful of animal