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ours, and we did it. Even if we go our separate ways, we will always have last night .
     
    I breathe in the darkness. Now all I wish is to take that night back, to take the last few years back, and start over. Stay alone, do things for myself. End the pain. End the hurt. The worst part is watching someone you love love someone else. How could he love her? Does this mean he’s never loved me?
     
    He has his arm around her waist. His eyes look at her and her smile brightens her whole face. She flips her hair over her shoulder. I drop my books. Our eyes meet.
     
    My eyes open to the blackness of my room. The shades are drawn and the only sound I hear is Jinx’s soft purring somewhere on my bed. I pause, staring at the ceiling for a few seconds before the tears come. How could he do this to me? I feel like someone stabbed me in the heart. No, not the heart—the gut, because I have this twisting feeling inside me, a feeling that tells me I’ll never be able to keep anything down again. I stare out into the darkness before sleep finally comes.

    I ROLL OVER SOME time later. It must still be nighttime because I can hear crickets outside my window. Stupid annoying crickets, what a worthless insect—I mean, what do they really do besides annoy the crap out of people trying to sleep? Ugh! Rolling onto my stomach, I throw my pillow over my head and try not to dream.

    NO SUCH LUCK. It seems like every dream I have is a happy memory I had with Hunter. Why? Why am I torturing myself? Why? That seems to be one word that haunts my restless sleep: why. It’s like I’m expecting some ultimate answer, some ultimate conclusion that will suddenly allow everything to fall into place. Maybe there is no answer. Maybe sometimes, someone is just a complete asshole? I wonder if Prince Charming ever screwed over Cinderella? Is there such a thing as happily ever after?

 
     
     
     
    I STARE UP AT THE same spot on the ceiling, just like I have for the past two weeks. I haven’t been able to find the energy to leave the house. Nothing seems to matter, and school is a waste of time. I should have moved away and gone to school in Florida with my parents, but I didn’t want to leave Hunter. I guess the joke is on me.
    I roll out of bed, tripping over Jinx in my stupor. My mind is like my heart—a mess. Tears are streaming down my face as I descend the stairs, still in my clothes from two weeks ago. Unconsciously, my feet take me into the kitchen. I’m not hungry but I’m pretty sure Jinx is. His bowl is licked clean and I wonder how long he would have let me sleep until he bothered me.
    “I’m sorry, Jinx,” I whisper, throwing some more dry food into his bowl and collapsing into a kitchen chair. “Seems like I’m letting everyone down around here.”
    That’s when I see it. My eyes lock on a serrated meat knife in the draining board. Enraptured by it, I lift myself out of the chair and slowly make my way over to the sink, my eyes never leaving the knife. Reaching out, I wrap my hand around the black handle and pull it out. It’s sharp, I think as I run my finger along the serrated edge. One cut is all I’d need. Just one. That would get Hunter’s attention. That would…
    “Oh, my God!” I say out loud to myself as I drop the knife.
    Was I just thinking what I think I was thinking? I need to get out of here! I dash out of the kitchen. I burst through the front door, swinging it open wide, and barely make it to my porch steps before I finally break down. I collapse with my face in my hands and begin to sob. The pain in my heart is unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. I feel something coming back up; it’s a wonder since I haven’t eaten in two weeks. Leaning over into my mother’s rosebush, I yak up stomach goo. Once I’m finished, I sit back with my head against the post as I try and collect my thoughts. Actually, no—no more thoughts! I don’t need to think right now. I feel numb. Anything that comes to my mind reminds