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table. Tom repeatedly told us how much smarter, better looking, and sexually active he is than his coworkers at the Xerox Corporation. 15 And Kimberly, who had recently graduated college and was about to start work at a local public-relations firm, was presented with a brand-new Honda Acccord.A new car!!! When I graduated college my parents handed me a diploma and a debt-repayment schedule.
    Kimberly was moved to tears. She had wanted a Camry.
    The Stewarts announced their divorce two days later. I remember feeling relieved.
    ----
    15 Note to self: Consult doctor about the genetic probability of Stephen and I reproducing anything remotely resembling Tom.

august 18th
    M andy called me this evening in hysterics. She’d just come back from her parents’ country club, where she’s getting married. It turns out that the club won’t allow their fancy chairs to be moved outside for the ceremony. They’re available for the indoor reception, but they insist on using folding chairs
(Quelle horreur!)
out on the lawn. I tried to convince Mandy that it didn’t matter. That no one was going to notice the chairs because she was going to be such a beautiful bride and there would be all those stunning Holland tulips to focus on and of course eight bridesmaids in “special”
buttercup
dresses. But it was no use. No matter what I said, Mandy continued to insist that folding chairs would make her ceremony look like an AA meeting in a church basement.
    As a bride-to-be I tried desperately to look inside my soul and locate some empathy for Mandy and her disastrous plight.
    But I couldn’t.

august 19th
    W ho proposes on a movie theater candy line?
    Am I evil for being dissatisfied with my wedding proposal?

august 20th
    I finally reached my great-aunt Lucy. She’s eighty-five, lives in Wisconsin, and refuses to get Call Waiting. Technically she’s my mom’s second cousin once removed, but ever since I spent summer vacation with her when I was ten I’ve called her my great-aunt. She’s the only relative I have who enjoys roller coasters, and at sixty-six she drove two hours to the Grand America amusement park so we could ride the “Devil’s Pitchfork.” After parlaying her advanced age into repeatedly cutting the line, we rode it nine times and she won my undying affection.
    Recently she’s been confined to bed with a bevy of medical problems ranging from high blood pressure to poor circulation. I had hoped that news of my engagement might help to lift her spirits, and it did. She hooted, hollered, and no doubt terrified her neighbors with shrieks of delight. After demanding a front-row seat at the ceremony, a nimble dance partner, and the inside track on my bouquet toss, she vowed to attend.
    And when she said that she hoped Stephen was worthy of me, I started to cry. It was the kindest thing anyone had ever said to me.
    Now I really can’t wait to get married.

august 21st
    I don’t want this wedding to be just about me and Stephen. I want it to be about everyone—our parents, our siblings, our friends. After all, I’m the last child in my family to marry and Stephen is the first. This isn’t about two people. It’s about two families.

august 22nd
    I told Kate about my engagement today. She met my news with a particularly frosty reception. When pressed, she admitted to her selfish feelings of anxiety. She didn’t actually use the word “selfish,” but that’s what it amounts to. Instead of congratulating me, or even mustering a fake smile, she CRINGED. I’m her boss, for Christ’s sake. You’d think she’d at least be smart enough to suck up.
    Instead she’s choosing to focus on the negative impact my wedding could potentially have on her job. What my wedding will mean to
her.
I assured her that it would not impact her job in the least. At most, a few extra phone messages. And you can be damn sure I won’t inconvenience her with an invitation to the event.
    Thankfully, my boss, Mr. Spaulding, was a little more