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business."
    "I did. But a funny thing happened on my way to stardom
and success. Those in the know call it murder one."
    My sensei narrowed his intense dark eyes. "You're going
to have to tell me more than that."
    "Can we just not talk about it? I really need to kick something."
    For a moment, I thought he'd refuse to let me get away
with my dodge, but I wasn't ready to rehash the last two
days. Then his eyes took a trip over my whacked-out, griefstricken self.
    "Okay. Take your time."
    I'd have my moment of reckoning soon enough. I'd known
I would, but even though I wished I didn't have to, at least Tyler would give me time and space to get myself together
again.

    Marge was the one who'd made sure I could in the recent
past. Even though I felt rotten already, I knew the full reality
of her death hadn't hit me yet. The coward in me wanted to
run, but I knew I could only postpone that moment.
    Time to sweat. This was the place to do it.
    Tyler teaches his own mongrel mix of disciplines. For endurance and flexibility, he has his students learn Tai Chi; for
strength, he favors Tae Kwan Do; for power, jujutsu; for selfdefense, down and dirty kickboxing.
    I changed into a white gi, tied on my brown belt, and hurried to join the class about to start. I had no idea which discipline was on the menu, but I figured I'd take a serving of
any of them. I hoped for kickboxing.
    Two women in their late fifties told me we'd be doing Tai
Chi. A seemingly easy and slow martial art, Tai Chi is a lot
more complex than most observers think. To move in the
purposeful, measured, controlled way of the discipline takes
total concentration, muscle coordination, and balance. I've
fallen flat on my face when my thoughts moseyed away from
the exercise more times than I like to admit.
    Disappointed, I staked out a spot in the last row. I really,
really wanted to punch and bite and scream and kick.
    From my corner, I saw the instructor's back. Tyler teaches
evening sessions so he can handle the business end of the
studio during daytime hours. He hires other black belts for
those classes. This woman was small and slender, and if I
weren't at a dojo, I might have thought of her as delicate and
vulnerable. Here, I knew the white cotton gi hid the kind of power I needed to keep sane and continue to live day after
day. Weakness is unthinkable.

    The sensei turned. "We'll start with the usual Push the
Mountain."
    My stomach crashed to my toenails. I'd never given much
credence to the existence of devils, demons, and other such
tormentors, but at that moment something told me I was on
my way to becoming a believer; they were having a field day
with me.
    Detective Tsu was teaching the class.
    If my presence surprised her as much as hers did me,
she didn't show it on her exquisite Asian face. She didn't
acknowledge me but instead went right into the lesson.
    As a measure of how far I'd come the last few years, I was
able to focus and forget the detective's presence until everyone
bowed at the end of the session.
    Since I didn't want her to think she scared the stuffing out
of me or that I had anything to hide, I approached her as the
room emptied of other students.
    "Good morning. I'm surprised to see you here."
    Detective Tsu arched a brow. "I've taught this class for
three years."
    "Well, I usually come at night, but now that I don't have
much to keep me busy..." I shrugged. "I'd rather keep my
evenings free."
    "Ah ... an active social life."
    Whenever I'm nervous I laugh, so I laughed. Once I settled
down to chortles, I said, "Yeah, right. I have a standing date
with two guys every night."
    Her eyes opened wide in obvious shock.

    Aha! I'd caught her off guard. "One's a really, really furry
blond who likes to cuddle after cozy Eukanuba dinners, and
the other's my dad."
    "Okay." The detective headed for the showers. "I'm glad
we got that straight."
    The woman made me antsy. Not only could she ruin my
life if she bungled