puffs on the whistle a second timeâurgentlyâbecause she thinks we arenât moving fast enough. Oh my god. I think my life would feel better if I quit.
âLetâs practice without traveling!â Ruthann barks.
During the learning phase of the routine, Iâm always surprised that some girls have a tough time traveling from their first assigned spots to their second assigned spots, and so on, while executing the arm sequences at the same time.
âFive, six, seven, eight!â Ruthann calls.
We unleash our arm moves. Straight out. Straight up. Drop to our sides. Triple clap. Repeat. Double clap. Punch at the crowd. Jab. Jab. Jab.
âI see sloppy arms! Hit those points! Be fierce!â
We slap and clap and jab over and over.
âNow do it while traveling! Make the circle. And rotate!â
Ruthann paces in front of us while Ms. Prufer sits in the stands. How do they choose whoâs good enough? I am rotating within my circle position and punching the crap out of my jabs. Itâs time for the kick sequence. I kick with such intensity that my stomach muscles cramp. I will not be cut from my first game. I will not.
âDeidre! Where are you going?â Ruthann calls. âYouâre making the circle look like a cancer cell. Way too much irregular growth. Come back!â
I canât believe in our final position that Deidre is a triangle point.
âAll right! Letâs take a break!â
Ruthann flips around and bounces over to sit next to Ms. Prufer. Theyâre talking about us. Judging us and our traveling abilities and our kicks and arms. We havenât even done any tumbling yet. I walk to the sidelines and grab my water. The room is definitely way too hot. I can feel sweat dripping down my back. This is how I spend fourth period now every other day. I donât take a regular gym class. I attend Tigerette practice and receive credit for PE. Our school alternates between A day and B day, four classes each day, eight classes total. Itâs tough to keep everything straight. Basically, the system sucks.
âMolly!â Ruthann yells. âCan you come here?â
She is in a terrible mood. I was so afraid of talking to her at lunch that I bought a banana and went to the library to eat it, even though food isnât permitted in there.
âYeah?â I trot across the courts, in her direction.
âMissed you at lunch,â she says, standing up.
âI was studying,â I say, âin the library.â
Ruthann rolls her eyeballs impatiently. âDonât lie to me. I saw you in there trying to eat a banana surreptitiously.â
âI just needed a break,â I say. âLife feels crazy right now.â In order to avoid making eye contact, I play with the hem of my shorts. Her gaze is so powerful.
âCrazy?â Ruthann says, and takes one intimidating step closer to me. âSo I take it youâve heard the bad news?â
At the word news , I look up. Ruthann squints, making her brown eyes appear slanted and venomous. If I were a prairie dog or small rodent, Iâd be dead by now.
âIs it about Joy?â I ask. Iâm suddenly worried that something âcrazyâ has happened to her. That must be why she is absent.
âSort of,â Ruthann says.
I cover my mouth and gasp.
âI know,â Ruthann says. âItâs terrible. You and Joy got me fired from the nut shop.â She slowly shakes her head in disbelief. Then she reaches out and grabs my arm. âIâve lost my job.â
âReally?â I say, trying to sound surprised, but Iâm not that surprised. Ruthann was a total bitch last night.
âJoy wonât even take my calls. And sheâs skipped today. Can you believe that? Just like you said: itâs crazy.â
Ruthann is still clamped on to me above the elbow, and I try to shake her grip loose by shrugging several times and lightly swinging my arm.
âHas