Read Dear Neighbor, Drop Dead for Free Online Page A

problem that Emma will have to hobble through airports now? And what did he say about the pool? Will she be allowed to swim? I swear it’s not just annoying to live next door to you, it’s dangerous! I’m going inside to call a realtor!”
    “Seriously?” Mindy had to disguise her delight. “You would consider moving over this?”
    “No, you will!” She scooped up her baby and headed home.
    Whenever Mindy needed a good cry, she locked herself in the basement bathroom. Not only would her family be unable to hear her down there, she couldn’t hear them either. “Mommmm! Stacie took my iPod and won’t give it back!” “Mommm! The little loser won’t get off the computer!” “Mommmm! I think my retainer got thrown out!”
    Unfortunately, holing up in there forced her to try to make sense of not only her problems but also the former owner’s attempts at decorating. Between the gothic light fixtures and haunted-house wallpaper, she felt like she was an extra on the set of Friday the 13th.
    Dear Neighbor, Drop Dead
    35
    When they moved in, Artie swore he’d torch the bathroom before he’d ever take a crap in there, but a hundred other fires had to be put out first. Therefore, it remained in its original state, like an accident scene the police cordoned off until further notice.
    “Hey.” Artie knocked. “Let me in. C’mon. You’ll feel better if we talk.”
    Mindy unlocked the door and wiped her nose. “Nothing is going to make me feel better. This has been the most awful day ever. I just want it to end.”
    “It wasn’t that bad. Tomorrow things will look different.”
    “Yeah, they’ll look worse. You think Waspy is going to write us a check tomorrow? You think Beth is going to wake up and decide not to sue me? Maybe I’ll win the lottery so I have enough money to fly to Chicago. I don’t know why I was so excited about entering that stupid contest. We can’t afford for me to—.”
    “ Shhh . . . We’ll figure it out. Just . . . I don’t know . . . keep it together for like five minutes. My mom is on the phone with the kids and wants to talk to you about the cruise.”
    “No! I can not deal with her right now. Tell her I’ve read all eleven of her e-mails and I will pick up number fifty sunscreen and get the passports from the vault.”
    “Yeah. Uh, that’s not why she called. Seems there was a little mix-up with the cabins.”
    “Oh my God. We’re not all together?”
    “No, we’re together. I mean really all together.”
    “What the hell?” Mindy screamed.
    “Calm down. Just calm down. Something must have gotten screwed up with the reservation when we added Aaron and Aunt Toby. Instead of giving us an extra cabin, they canceled one, and since the cruise is sold out, we’re just going to have to punt. My mom was thinking maybe you and Dana could bunk with two kids and—”
    36
    Saralee Rosenberg
    “No! I’ll go crazy if I have to listen to Dana’s stupid lectures about trans fats wrecking my small intestines, and about how Ira bought her another piece of jewelry she doesn’t really like, or how when they redid their master suite, she wished that they’d made room for a Jacuzzi.”
    “Fine. I’ll make you a deal. You talk to my mom, and I’ll call Ira and tell him to have Dana cool it with the BS.”
    “But he’s worse than her with all his stupid little gadgets and the pictures on his cell of his Porsche from every angle. I just don’t get why everything has to turn into such a goddamn disaster!”
    “Relax. Okay? You’re not helping the situation by carrying on.
    God I hate PMS days!”
    “Excuse me?” she poked his shoulder. “What does PMS have to do with this? You think I’m imagining these problems or that I want to be under all this stress. You think I like feeling powerless? I swear if you say one more thing, you’d better get a running start because I will kill you with my bare hands and I am running out of places to hide the bodies. Do you hear