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Hannah.” As I said the words, my heart convicted me. Even though my mind agreed with what I said, somewhere inside me there was rage that I couldn’t deal with now, no matter what Jonathon said. This wasn’t the time to let it out. If I did, I might completely unravel. Blaming God for what happened would go against everything I believed about Him. I couldn’t lose my sister and my beliefs at the same time. It would be too much for me to endure.
    â€œI understand. I may work for a small county in Missouri, but I’ve seen some things that really test my faith. People can do terrible things to one another. Sometimes it’s hard to comprehend.”
    Before I had a chance to respond, Mary came back to the table with our coffee. After she left, I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to calm my ragged nerves. “Frankly, Idon’t know that we’ll always have the answers to everything. If we’re not careful, we can drive ourselves crazy with questions.”
    â€œHave you asked God about it?”
    I grunted. “No, not really. Maybe when I have a chance to catch my breath, I might do that. Right now I don’t dare allow myself that luxury.” I took a sip of coffee and then put my cup back on the saucer. “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have questions. But there is one thing I’m certain about. Hannah and I found each other for a reason. And that reason is Cicely. If Hannah hadn’t located me, Cicely would have ended up in foster care. Maybe her experience would have been a good one. But maybe not. At least I know she will be with someone who loves her. Someone who will raise her up with a knowledge of God.”
    Paul didn’t say anything for a few moments, just sipped his coffee. Finally he put his cup down. “I lost a brother when I was a teenager. Randy was a good kid, but he was reckless. Took chances. One night, he was in a car wreck. A friend of his was driving drunk. Randy tried to get out of the car before something happened, but the guy wouldn’t let him out. When we got to the hospital, Randy told us he knew he wasn’t supposed to go with his friend that night, but he didn’t listen. He lived two days. His friend was killed on impact.” Paul shook his head. “I believe God tried to protect Randy.” He sighed as he stared at his coffee cup. “I think Randy would still be alive if he’d paid attention to his gut.”
    â€œI’m so sorry, Paul. God may have warned Hannah too. I’ll probably never know.”
    â€œI guess we need to listen to those warnings,” he said. “To be honest, I’m not sure if I know how to hear them.”
    â€œWhen Janet offered me the chance to come to Sanctuary and live with her, I didn’t hear a voice, but I’ll never forget theconfirmation that bubbled up inside me. It was as if God was saying, ‘Yes! Yes!’”
    â€œWell, I’m certainly glad you listened.” He frowned. “You told me your parents were murdered when you were young and after that you and your sister were separated. How does a child deal with something like that?” He stared intently at me. “I’m not just being nosy. I’d really like to know more about you. You can tell me to mind my own business if you want. I won’t be offended.”
    I took a deep breath, trying to clear my head. At that moment, Hannah’s death seemed to fill every corner of my mind. It was as if there wasn’t room for anything else. But for some reason, I really did want to share my story with Paul. I took a deep breath. “After our parents’ deaths, my sister and I went to live with an aunt in California for a couple of years, but she became very ill and couldn’t take care of us anymore. She was our only living relative, so we were sent back to Missouri and went into foster care. Hannah and I were both taken in by a very kind Mennonite