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courtroom?”
    “They are, Your
Honor,” I said. “Right behind me, with their fingers in my mouth.”
    He stared at me
again. “I see no one behind you.”
    “No, sir, they
cannot be seen.”
    “Why not?”
    “Ectoplasm.”
    “What?”
    “They are ghosts,
Your Honor.”
    This threw the
courtroom into an uproar. Everyone began talking at once. As the excitement
grew, one of the spectators who was dressed as Amelia Earhart began running
around the room with his arms stretched out as if he was flying. Most of the
ones who were dressed like me hid their faces in their hands.
    While the judge
tried to restore order, I looked around for Ed and Fred. They were still
invisible, but I could sense they were nearby because one of their fingers was
still in my mouth. Then two voices started whispering in my ear.
    “Hi, Burly,” said
Fred.
    “We thought it
over and decided we haven’t been fair to you,” said Ed. “You didn’t try to get
us killed. If you had, you would have screwed it up. We would have won the
lottery or something instead.”
    “That’s right,” I
agreed.
    “Or been elected
Pope,” said Fred.
    “Sure.”
    “We’d both be
lottery-winning Popes by now.”
    “Well that’s what
I’ve been trying to tell you.”
    “So we’re sorry
for all the trouble we’ve caused you. Really sorry,” said Ed. “Fred here can’t
sleep.”
    “I tossed and
turned all night,” said Fred. “I’m gripped with remorse. Want to see?”
    “No.”
    “We’ll make it up
to you though,” promised Ed. “Don’t worry, we’ll help you beat this rap.”
    “Good. It’s about
time somebody started helping me around here. All these courtroom jerks are…”
    I suddenly
noticed that all the furor in the courtroom had subsided and everyone was
staring at me. I guess it must have looked kind of crazy, me talking to the air
like that, and making plans with it, and giving it high fives.
    It looked even
crazier moments later when my hair started combing itself, dust started being
patted off my jacket, and invisible hands started brushing my teeth. I looked a
lot more presentable that way, I guess, but, like I said, it looked crazy too.
    “Ghosts, eh?”
said the judge, doing his best, for the dignity of the court, to ignore the
fact that some unseen force was ironing my shirt, and my head was trying on
different hats by itself.
    I spit out some
toothpaste. “Yes, Your Honor, ghosts.”
    The judge leafed
through my statement again. “Where did these ‘ghosts’ say they got the body of
Miss Earhart?”
    There was some
hurried whispering in my ear.
    “Uh… they found
it on the grounds of the Imperial Palace in Tokyo, Your Honor,” I said, “behind
a really old bush.”
    There was a
rumble of excitement from the spectators in the courtroom. The dark-suited men
in the back of the room stiffened. The judge banged his gavel until the
courtroom was silent again.
    “And… um… did
these ghosts tell you how they knew the body was there?”
    There was more hurried
whispering in my ear.
    “Er… as I
understand it, they play tennis with the ghost of Miss Earhart every Tuesday.
She told them where her body was hidden during one of these games. And, I don’t
know if it’s important or not, but according to them they beat her pants off
regularly.”
    “It’s not
important.”
    “The jury will
disregard the part about Miss Earhart’s pants,” I announced.
    “I will instruct
the jury, Mr. Burly.”
    I shrugged.
“Fine.”
    I noticed that
the spectators in the courtroom were beginning to look at me with narrowing
eyes. As much as they wanted to believe anything anybody ever said to them -
the screwier the better as far as they were concerned – apparently my story
wasn’t quite ringing true to them. Only the men in the black suits in the back of
the courtroom seemed to be taking me seriously now. They were taking notes,
making phone calls and eyeing me coldly.
    “If what you say
is true,” said the judge, dryly,