Dads: A gay couple's surrogacy journey in India

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Book: Read Dads: A gay couple's surrogacy journey in India for Free Online
Authors: Hans M. Hirschi
but here it goes beyond caring and loving parents. Here, even criminals and abusive parents keep their strong hold over their children, no matter what (literally). All under the axiom that “biological parents are best for their children!” Swedish social workers do any-, every- and nothing to make sure that parents are reunited with their children, even if it means that kids are beaten, sexually abused or even killed. Anything can happen under this axiom. But, alas, the UN Children's convention must be followed and it says to work towards what's best for the children. And the BIOLOGICAL parents are obviously always best… At least that's the Swedish interpretation. If only I knew where they got their evidence from… Particularly given all the horror stories we read about weekly in the papers.
    My take on this is different: <3 is best for children! It doesn't really matter where it comes from, as long as it's there and as long as the adults provide stability. In my book, parents who sexually or physically abuse a child have no right to be guardians of a young life.
    We got screwed by the social workers of this city, royally. We wasted TWO years of our lives on something they knew we wouldn't get. They played with our emotions, our lives. To make matters worse, they broke Swedish law by discriminating against us. Because once a child is removed from its biological parents, it must be placed in foster care. Yet, for some reason, the social workers claimed the parents had some kind of veto right, which is BS. They have to be able to work with the foster home, but clearly, in the end, they cannot be given the right to choose which home the children are placed in. If I'd have my children removed from me, I would also fight it every step of the way. The job of a social worker is to get the parents to cooperate. And, yes, that may be a big task, but not impossible. Instead, they took the easy road, agreeing with the parents and moving on, trampling all over us where we stood.
    Yet it's okay to refuse the “gays.” That's okay. I wonder how the social workers would have reacted it the couple had been Jewish? Or black? Or gypsies? I'm sure (unless they are as racist and anti-Semitic as they are homophobic) their faces would've turned all shapes of purple and their lips would've curled and they would've told the parents that their views were unacceptable. But, alas, we're only gay. We didn't molest that boy. We didn't treat him so badly that he's years behind his natural development. We didn't deprive him of love & care. No. We did nothing but offer our home and our hearts to give him a second chance at happiness and a good life.
    But the social workers don't care. God forbid they'd have to actually do their job and 'fight' a little, convince those parents this would be best for their son and that they really don't have a choice but to get their act together and cooperate. No. They took the easy way out, destroying a boy's life, wreaking havoc with our emotions, our finances, my company, and our lives. But who gives a fucking shit, eh? We're only gays.
    When I see those same social workers, and their employers, marching in the Rainbow parade, I'm sickened. I am sickened by people easing their conscience by walking in a parade where they have no place. It's not just the social workers, it's every politician, manager or what have you, who once a year is “commanded” by their superiors to show color, yet who continue to discriminate the other 364 days of the year, and in their hearts, even on this day.
    Alex and I are lucky. Thanks to an unexpected gift from my parents last Christmas, we can “buy” ourselves a last chance at children through surrogacy. While infertile straight couples get all the help on earth, free of charge, by the state, we have to pay for it. I don't care. I'll gladly pay, but there is so much rage inside me when I think of all the men and women who will never become parents because they cannot afford it.

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