with my will to live, and I lost the fight. I tried to kill myself. Laura rushed into the bathroom and found me. She was understandably traumatized. I wasn’t welcomed back and Laura’s parents filed a restraining order to keep me from contacting their daughter.”
Hadley didn’t intend to let the truth fall out when she opened her mouth. She planned to offer simply that she no longer spoke with Laura, but when she looked across the table and didn’t see the judgment she anticipated, the words rushed out of her as easily as a breath of air.
Losing one of very few people Hadley ever considered a friend had been nearly as difficult as being abandoned by her parents. Where Hadley thought she would find pity, understanding stared back at her.
“I had no idea. That must have been difficult for you.”
“It was.” She swallowed hard, waiting for Mac to request details.
“She taught you well.” Hadley smiled a thank you to her friend, who purposefully avoided digging any deeper. “Have you ever considered it professionally?”
“Of course, I have.” Hadley frowned. “But starting out there’s not enough money in it to support myself.”
Mac nodded thoughtfully.
“You’re a special girl, Hadley Walker. I hope you know I’m always here for you.”
“You always have been.”
“I don’t know about that.” His eyebrows creased. “I wish I could have been there for you then. It sounds like you needed a friend.”
Hadley recalled a similar time when Mac had been there for her, although he didn’t know it.
“You remember when we first met?”
Mac nodded.
“How could I forget? Dickhead did a number on you that morning.”
At the time, Hadley told Mac Mr. Jensen caused her tears. Mr. Jensen definitely triggered them, his anger so much like her father's, had sent her to a dark place in her mind. But, her memories were the cause of her breakdown. Memories she tried desperately to avoid.
“True, but it was more than that.”
“Oh.”
Hadley kept her voice low and continued.
“Your friendship means more than you’ll ever know. I spent the morning we met in the bathroom determined to try again at ending my life. Ultimately, and only after an intense internal struggle, I couldn’t see it through. I dropped the razor, vowed to be a stronger person, to quit being angry with myself. When I arrived at work, Dickhead confronted me, and my vow of strength quickly disappeared. When you found me balled up in the copy room, I was seconds away from going home and seeing it through.”
“Oh God, I knew you were upset, but I had no idea it was that serious.”
“No, but you made me laugh, and you talked me off the ledge. You explained Mr. Jensen’s anger was a reflection of him and had nothing to do with me. That one sentence changed my outlook on many things. Thank you.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Say you’ll still be my friend, because I’m afraid you think differently of me now.”
“Of course, I’ll still be your friend. I don’t think any differently of you, and thank you for telling me. It explains a lot, actually.”
“I know. I’m pretty messed up, right?”
“I didn’t say that, but you are guarded. I know you don’t want to share it all, but when you’re ready to bring the walls down, I’ll be here.”
Hadley didn’t have walls up, she had towering skyscrapers, but somehow over time and with a little kindness, Mac found a way to sneak a glance inside.
“I know you will. Thank you.”
“Promise me if you ever think about ending it all again, that you’ll come and talk to me.”
“I will, but honestly, after that morning, I’ve never considered it again. Your friendship changed me.”
The two friends continued with their meal, engaging in less intense, casual conversation. Hadley’s shoulders felt light after releasing some of the weight she carried around like a lead balloon. She enjoyed the sound of Mac’s laughter while she devoured her