Read Crush for Free Online Page B

to step into the street to walk around us, but I don’t care. Apparently this crush has obliteratedmy manners. Thankfully, Nat fills the gaps, telling me about the neighborhood.
    “That used to be an armory, but now it’s a homeless shelter.”
    “The guy who lives there played drums for Elvis.”
    “There was an ecstasy lab in there, but it got busted.” And so on, little bits of Brooklyn filling my awkwardness like confetti.
    We go through the garden gate, and as soon as Nat turns on the hose, Daisy dashes under the porch, getting even dirtier. Clocker puts up with it, his tail between his legs and his head hung low, but he lets her rinse him off.
    “You do this often?”
    “Often enough.”
    Daisy, on the other hand, will not come out from under the porch.
    “Come on, Daisy.” I try treats and begging, but she cowers in the farthest corner and lets out a belligerent little bark every once in a while. “Get out of there!”
    Nat gets on her knees just inches away from me. “I’ll go get her.”
    “I wouldn’t bother.” I am keenly aware of how little space there is between us. “She’ll come out when she’s ready.”
    “I don’t mind.” Nat shimmies under the porch. “I’m already dirty.” After a little dodge dog and a whole lot of yapping, she grabs Daisy’s scruff and drags her out.
    “Look at you now,” I say. “You’re totally filthy!”
    “Yep.” Nat yanks at her grimy tank top. “I’m one dirty girl.”
    “You need hosing off more than Daisy.”
    She raises an eyebrow and grins. “So go for it.”
    Okay, now that is totally a come-on!
    “I didn’t...I don’t—” I pick up Daisy. If she were a guy, I’d flirt back, but a girl? How do I know she even likes girls? Don’t be stupid, Hopeless. She’s about as dykey as it gets. But what do you do with a girl? That thought makes me blush even more. “I should give Daisy a bath. I’ll use the sink in the basement. Do you—?”
    “Do I—”
    “I wasn’t—”
    “Wasn’t what?” Nat cocks her head, grin still in place.
    I laugh, the high nervous laugh Joy loves to mock. I am officially losing it. Any minute now I am going to morph into an immature, stuttering, laughing mess who doesn’t know if I want to kiss a girl for the first time in my life or if I want to run, screaming, into traffic. Getting smacked by a yellow cab might be just what I need. Nothing like a couple of busted legs to force yourself to figure things out. Seriously, I’m considering it.
    Nat’s still grinning. I bet she’s getting off on making me squirm. “How about I go home and have a shower?” Yes! Go! Before I humiliate myself! She grabs her bike. “You want me to go?”
    “I think so. Yeah.” I cling to Daisy and nod robotically. “Okay. Sounds good. You go. Yeah, good idea.”
    Nat whistles for Clocker. “Bye?”
    Apparently I’m stupefied, because all I can do is nod.
    “And then Hope says, ‘Bye, Nat.’” Nat laughs.
    Isn’t she fazed by any of this? Does she do this all the time? Make unsuspecting, seemingly straight girls squirm? Or am I making it all up? But making up what ? The butterflies are real. The fact that I want to kiss her is real. But what I felt about Orion and the other boys was real too, wasn’t it?
    Would kissing a girl be different from kissing boys? If all I did was kiss her, would that make me queer? Are you queer just for thinking it? Or does doing it make you queer? And what if I don’t want to be queer? Do I get a say in this at all?
    Nat and Clocker disappear out the gate while I am pinned in place by questions. I stand there, stunned, and then I creep along the side of the house and watch them make their way down the sidewalk, Nat on her bike, Clocker trailing behind her. Nat rears up and pops a wheelie. It seems triumphant, like she knows something I don’t.
    Does she? I almost run after her to ask, but then Clocker looks back, and I duck back into the yard, as if he might tell Nat that I was spying