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‘covered in embarrassment’. Mum may be chock-full of words of wisdom, but God, she’s sometimes stuck for them.
    â€˜I know Allie’s a bit old for this,’ Mum managed at last. ‘I know that, we know that. She should have outgrown it by now.’
    Aidan’s mum looked at the floor, at the incredibly clean bit of carpet where Lola Nan had been doing the hoovering. ‘Well, we understood, you see. We understood at thebeginning. It’s her way of coping, isn’t it?’
    But she wouldn’t be here if they still understood. She wouldn’t be here if it was still OK.
    â€˜I wish I could talk to her.’ Mum rubbed her temples manically.
    â€˜I can see it’s hard,’ said Aidan’s mum.
    â€˜She’s had counselling. The psychologist, he said it was best not to rush it, not to force her. He’s not seen this before. He thinks maybe … the shock. You know?’
    â€˜I know,’ said Aidan’s mum.
    That encouraged Mum. ‘He doesn’t think she’s
pretending
. He says maybe she made herself believe it. That he’s really there. And eventually she’ll … she’ll just accept he isn’t. You see? Her mind’s created Aidan and it’ll … you know … uncreate him.’
    I looked at Aidan’s mum. I was thinking, Someone already uncreated him. I bet she was thinking that too, but she didn’t say it.
    â€˜It’s … we mustn’t try to … rush it,’ Mum finished lamely.
    Aidan’s mum stared at the wall. ‘It’s a bit out of hand,’ she blurted. ‘That’s all. It’s been a year now and she isn’t even … she isn’t …’
    â€˜Family,’ I suggested.
    She swallowed, so embarrassed and shamefaced that I wanted to pat her shoulder and tell her it wasn’t her fault. I think Aidan’s mum spent half her life trying to make other people feel less awkward about what had happened,trying to put them at their ease.
    At last she cleared her throat and said, ‘You see, it’s upsetting Orla.’
    It was upsetting Orla.
    â€˜I’ll talk to Allie,’ I said.
    Mum looked at me like I was Sir Gawain of the Round Table or something. The saintly one. Him. ‘Really, Nick? But are you sure it’s a good –’
    â€˜It’s upsetting Orla,’ I said. I looked at the wall too. I could see why Aidan’s mum found it so fascinating. ‘I mean, I’ll just talk to her. See what she says. Y’know.’ I was embarrassed now. ‘Not promising anything. You know how she is.’
    â€˜I’d appreciate it, Nick.’ Aidan’s mum –
Orla’s
mum – smiled at me and I thought, Yup. This was a good move. Then I felt really rubbish for thinking that.
    â€˜That’s kind of you,’ she went on. ‘I know it’s difficult.’
    â€˜Um, yeah,’ I said. ‘OK.’
    I don’t know why I said I’d do it. Well, I do know: it was to get me brownie points with Orla, to shorten somewhat the odds against getting her naked underneath me, so it was hardly altruistic. But given that those odds were so ridiculously long, it was as heroic a gesture as I could manage. Heroic and futile and self-sacrificing, I told myself as I climbed the stairs with a heavy heart. I’d do it for Orla.
    Self-sacrificing, my backside. Self-
obsessed.
And it was nothing to do with my backside; it was my groin, whichjust ached with frustrated love, and I had to do something to take my mind off it. Or rather – since my mind had little to do with it – something to advance my cause, if only by the tiniest margin.
    I hesitated outside Allie’s open bedroom door. She was hunched over her computer, her intent face lit by a bluish glow. I didn’t think it was a good idea, letting her have a computer in her bedroom with an internet connection and everything, but the trouble with Mum