Read Crank for Free Online Page B

great idea, flying home, mostly high on the monster
    * * or crashing fast, the last tiny remnants of speed and I
    * *
    fighting to feel good, despite what the buzz
    had become--
    175
    low, that is, so low it was hard to remember the best
    * * of it. So of course I chose to go for it. Adam, Bree, and the monster were inextricable
    friends.
    176
     
     
     
    A Couple
    of Toots
     
    Skeletal lines, jaundice yellow, evil little breezes up the nose.
    One
    inhale, awesome, mean, tiny
    hammer blows to the brain, and I
    didn't care who knew that
    I was high,
    (well, okay, I preferred clueless cops)
    not Dad, who would be home
    soon. He'd want one or two
    himself. Not the people next door, who I'm pretty sure kept an ear to the wall, waiting to see if
    I would fly, or attempt, like our wingless lynx, to defy all instinct and natural
    law, ball up courage, count to three and crest the edge in one mighty
    leap. Or maybe she did just fall.
    I wonder, as I wonder if
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    I,
    locked in a cage of dreamless sleep, a place where only the monster
    can drop you so hard, heard the cry of a fallen
    broken
    bird.
    178
     
     
     
    B
    ut Right Then
     
    all I could think of, in that speeded, heated moment, was my own pain, stabbing through the pleasure.
    * *
    I asked Adam to hold me, kiss me longer, harder.
     
    Oh, God, I love you.
     
    Begged him to help me
    remember the taste of love.
     
    How will I live without you?
     
    Pleaded with him not to live without me. Write. Call.
     
    I will. I promise.
     
    And I promised I would
    come back to him.
     
    I want to give you something.
     
    I can't believe I let him, me, la gallina extrema.
     
    So you'll never forget me.
     
    (The extreme chicken.)
    Closed my eyes.
     
    I'll always be a part of you.
     
    179
    Gritted my teeth, locked into the love of the needle.
     
    Right there, on your thigh.
     
    And accepted Adam's tattoo, the tiny heart a very big
     
    Stashed under your skin.
     
    symbol, forever bonding us, his ink in my flesh.
    180
     
     
     
    It
    Throbbed
    the Next Day
     
    All the way home red and raw, like my eyes, drained of tears, denied
    sleep's healing, staring at the glare of midday sun in vibrant blue sky at
    20,000 feet.
    * *
    Red and raw like my belly, not even
    MacDonald's to soothe its empty
    demand ('cause Dad, of course, cranked it up when he got
    home--so much for dinner out).
    * *
    Red and raw like my heart, pried from Adam's, the two beating, no
    longer together, but a thousand
    miles between them when
    only yesterday they
    thumped in unison.
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    Red and raw like my brain, unable
    To shut down, thoughts crashing like electrons orbiting a nucleus of dueling emotions. Wanting to stay high. Knowing I
    should want to come down and stay
    that way.
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    I
    Still Wasn't Down When We Landed
     
    High-rise casinos, each with a "got
    rich" story or two and thousands of sad little secrets, gigantic glittering
    towers of glass and ungodly neon
    intruding upon the beauty of the July
    dusk, yet waving a welcome home, midst a bayou of cement, asphalt shingles, tinted panes, fake wood siding, and lingering in the distance, an ocean of sage-embroidered playa, vast as time itself, those very seconds, hours, eons locked within the fringe of great crustal blocks most call mountains.
    * *
    Kristina had seen it all before.
    Kristina was home.
    * *
    Bree saw it all through new eyes.
    Bree was a stranger.
    183
     
     
     
    T
    ightened Airport Security
     
    No one greeted me on the far side of the jetway, no relatives, no friends, only slot machines.
    * *
    Tugging those two
    carry-ons, upper thigh
    itching like crazy beneath a tight pair of jeans.
    * *
    I wandered toward the escalators, a 50-foot-long
    mural of blue Lake Tahoe
    flanking me on my left.
    * *
    8-foot-tall showgirls in purple boas (and not
    much else) smiling at me from the right.
    * *
    Kristina drawn left,
    Bree to the right, the monster started to retreat just in time.
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    I
    Saw Them
     
    before they saw