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all of the feelings of humiliation and embarrassment from my past returned with a vengeance. Only this time the painful feelings hit even harder, because I believed that I really had turned a corner and found a new course in life. Not surprisingly, I used drugs to get through this tough time. And even though my boyfriend wanted us to stay together and said it didn’t mean anything, my shame and anger wouldn’t allow it. I wasn’t going to let him get away with this, even if it meant losing the one I had loved the most.
    So I went back to the drawing board, trying to figure out who I would have to be in order to become lovable and find a man who would be loyal forever. I refined my mask, working to become smarter and more successful. But no matter what I did, there was always something that brought me to my knees and made me confront the hurt young girl who didn’t have the courage or confidence to be herself. There was always a bad relationship, a disappointing outcome, a snub, or a failure that would lead me to feeling weak and small, even as I was becoming more and more successful in the outer world. Other people’s opinions of me continued to be my monitor for success. I spent more time and money trying to look good rather than caring about how I felt inside. The outer world was all that mattered to me. I picked my friends by their level of popularity and importance, and I worked hard to be a woman who exuded confidence.
    By my early twenties, I had successfully created an image that would trick even the best investigator. The facade worked well for a few years, until it cracked open once again when I lost control of my drug use and officially became a pretty girl with a bad problem—otherwise known as a drug addict. That’s when I knew I would have to get help or die. I checked into my first drug-treatment center. And when that didn’t work, I went to another and then another. When I knew I had finally reached my last chance, I let go, and then, as life would have it, I found peace—on the bathroom floor of the West Palm Beach Treatment Center, where I connected with a power greater than myself. For the first time, I went from scared, insecure, lonely, and weak to peaceful, present, and confident.
    This connection happened in just a few moments. Without drugs, sugar, a man, or money, I found the courage to fight my disease (meaning the dis-ease in my mind, body, and spirit) and win the internal war that was raging within. On the dirty bathroom floor of my fourth drug-treatment center, I found my power and inner strength, and for the first time in my life I felt free and knew that I had discovered—even though I didn’t understand it—the golden key to confidence and courage. When I finally got up off the floor, I knew that all along I had been missing something inside me and that the key was this inner connection that I knew nothing about. This power within me was trying to deliver a message that would change my life forever. I soon realized that fear was the culprit.
    THE INFLUENCE OF FEAR
    Fear is a very real emotion that can render us powerless. Much of our power is to be found in the choices we make and the actions we take, with every choice either leading us down the same familiar path or propelling us toward a new future. Without warning, fear can take over.
    There is so much turmoil in our hearts and in our heads that it is easy to lose sight of what’s truly important to us. We are influenced by the myriad events in our lives—both the joyous and grace-filled events and those that blindside us and leave us hurt, angry, sad, or grief ridden. Every day we make choices and are confronted with different possibilities that shape our future. We often treat these choices as if they mean nothing, as if there will be no consequences, or if there are, we will deal with them later—tomorrow, next week, or whenever. But these day-to-day choices either whittle away at our self-esteem and confidence or add to our