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weren’t expecting—like a magic ability or a bottle of the Elixir of the Mages. And you can feel the extrapower surge through you. That’s how I felt at the end of that call. I knew something cosmic was going to happen.
     
    A few minutes later, Lisa knocked on the door, shouting, “BFG onstage, please!”
    As we were walking up to the wings, I got a text. Lisa snarled, “Turn off your mobile, for goodness’ sake.”
    “In a second.”
    “In fact, give it to me.”
    “Okay, yeah, whatever,” I said with a giant smile. I was smiling because of the text:
     
    You have been selected to take part in a very special competition, with a prize that will make you into a hero in the eyes of your children. Infinity Park is a unique new theme park in China, packed with astonishing, innovative attractions, including the Biggest Thrill Ride in the History of the World—the Rocket. We are offering four fathers and their children the chance to travel to the park, experience the rides and visit local landmarks.
     
    Don’t miss your chance to become the Greatest Dad Ever. Call this secret number tomorrow before midday GMT to find out if you are one of the four lucky winners. Please do not disclose this number to anyone else.
     
    All you have to do is get put through.
     
    I was still smiling after the play was over and everyone had finished clapping. Lisa said I was the friendliest-looking Big Friendly Giant she’d ever seen. Mom said, “I loved it. You looked so happy up there!”
    I waited till we were getting into the car and then I showed Dad the text. “China…the Biggest Thrill Ride in the History of the World…your chance to become the Greatest Dad Ever.” I got that Crispy New World feeling just reading it.
    I expected Dad to jump up and down with excitement and say, “Get the suncream, Liam.” Inexplicably he didn’t. He shook his head and said, “No one really wins those things.”
    “Well, someone must win them. Otherwise they wouldn’t be allowed to advertise them. Of course someone wins them. Come on, it’s just a phone call.”
    “Yes, a long, long phone call. This is just a trick to get you to spend loads of money calling a premium-rate phone number. And when you do, there’s nothing at the other end except a voice saying ‘Please hold’ and playing some nice classical music. And they collect the money for the call.”
    “But you’ve been specially selected.”
    “Yeah. Me and ten million others.”
    He deleted the message.
     
    We walked home past the shopping center. I looked up but you couldn’t see any stars. I remember thinking, I’ll probably never get out of Bootle as long as I live. It’s funny to think I am now at this moment farther away from Bootle than any other living human.
     
    That night Dad wanted us all to play Monopoly in the new kitchen. Monopoly! Has anyone ever played Monopoly to the end? Don’t most people just sort of slip into a kind of boredom coma after a few goes and wake up six months later with a handful of warm hotels? If it had been Risk or Cluedo, that would have been something, but Monopoly!
    “Sit down,” he said. “It’ll be nice. All of us together. We haven’t played a game for ages.”
    I said, “Monopoly is not a game.”
    “Well, here’s the dice and here’s the board—how is that not a game?”
    “It’s not a game because NOTHING IS HAPPENING. In Monopoly you can ask someone else to take your go for you while you go to the toilet and it won’t make any difference. Can you imagine asking someone else to take your go in chess, or Risk, or soccer? I’ll tell you what Monopoly is. Monopoly is my life—going round and round the same streets over and over again with not enough money.”
    “So,” said Dad, “you don’t want to play then?”
    “No, I don’t.” I got up. I was going to go and play a few hours of Warcraft.
    “It’s always an anticlimax,” said Mom, “when you’re in a play or something and then it ends.”
    “You