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sudden, the room starts feeling too hot and
overwhelming. The water seems to hold me captive, and I can’t lift my arms with
my body feeling like lead. My fingertips start to tingle and I know I have to
get out of the tub before the attack overtakes me. It’s like this ugly monster
has crept up on me from nowhere, with its claws drawn. I finally muster the
strength to climb out and end up staggering into the sink vanity. The immediate
pain in my side distracts me enough from the attack so that I can grab a towel
and stumble to the bed. It’s too late to take my medicine and now that I
dabbled into the poison of alcohol, I don’t have a choice. I select another
toxic drink and gulp it down in one long swallow as I try to fend off the panic
from overtaking me, but I know it’s too late. My hands are trembling, and my
heart is racing at a skipping, hiccupping rate. I stretch across the bed and
watch the room blur out.

 
    ~
~ ~

 
    “She’s
dying, Momma.” The words bellow from my trembling lips as I stare down at the
breathing corpse that once was my sister. “Please do something,” I beg.
    “Julia Rose
is just being a drama queen,” Jean snaps as she stares down at Julia too.
Jean’s arms are crossed over her chest, and she is spitting mad. Her perfectly
curled blonde hair is dancing in a hushed quiver with her rage.
    I ease my
sight from my mother and back towards my sick sister. I know I’m not looking at
a drama queen, but a broken girl. It takes one to know one—even though our
forms are broken differently, I’ve learned broken is still broken, regardless.
Julia lies on her side, facing away from us. It pains me to see her hipbone
jutting out under her gown in an unnatural way and her bony arm lies limply
over her wasted away waist. I slowly walk to the other side of the bed and
continue to stare down at her. Studying her features, I take in the hollowness
and severely sharp angles. Her eye sockets are sunk in her ashen skin, and it
makes me so scared. I try to capture her attention, but she only gazes to the
corner of the room. It’s like she’s here in this puny body, but gone completely
in spirit.
    I point
over at the sodden sheets Julia is laying on. “But—”
    “She’s just
a lovesick teenager and I won’t play these immature games with her!” Jean
growls at me and then turns her attention back to Julia. “Enough is enough. I
know you miss Evan, but seriously, Julia. You are just a child. He’s too old
for you anyway. Just get your butt up and eat already. I don’t have time for
this!” She storms out of the room, leaving me alone with my sick sister and my
overwhelming fear.
    I find a
clean spot on the bed and have a seat. I cautiously sit here looking down at
her, scared that she is going to die and leave me alone with the memories.
Alone to survive the demons by myself. I’ll never survive them alone. I need
her to carry the burden with me. I know it’s selfish of me, because it’s
obvious the burden is killing her right before me. My hand reaches out to touch
her, but think better of it. I can’t tolerate touch anymore, and I want to
comfort her in this moment, but cannot get over my own fears to do so. We are both so broken .
    I sit a
while longer, but cannot figure out a solution. Moreover, I really cannot
stomach being in this room for another minute. The pungent smell of ammonia and
body odor attacks my nose, and I am unable to inhale without the assault. I try
to stand and escape, but the filthy bed sheets begin to wrap around me, pulling
me farther onto the bed. The more I fight against it, the more I am consumed.
The sheet snakes its way around my neck aggressively, leaving me gasping for
the vile air. My vision darkens frightfully. By the next window of clarity, I
find my sister and me being swallowed up by the sinfully tarnished bed. She
ends up rolled on top of me, staring a ghostly stare with her pale, vacant
eyes. I try to scream, but the overpowering ammonia steals