the vast lobby, which feels heavenly
after being in the cramped confines of my car all day. The space is draped in
tranquility from whispering water fountains and sumptuous tropical plants. I
scoot up to the check-in counter and get lucky. The place is booked solid,
being that it is tourist season, but had a last-minute cancellation. I hurry
through check-in and find more peace in my oceanfront luxury suite.
The first
thing I do is open the glass doors to the balcony so I can listen to the
soothing melody of the peaceful seashore. Some of the tension eases away as I
stand by the window and watch the waves roll in under the moonlit sky. I’ve
always found the vacant night beaches to be such a seductive mystery. I feel as
though we are sharing an intimate secret that no one else is a privy to. I gaze
over this natural wonder for a while longer and allow it to emit its calming
effect over me.
After
getting settled, I call my best friend, and he answers on the first ring.
“Hey,” I say. “Just letting you know I’ve stopped for the night. Traffic’s been
bad and I don’t feel like driving in the dark.”
“Savannah?
What’s wrong with your voice?” I hear the concern in Lucas’s voice.
My little
screaming session earlier plays through my head. It’s left my throat feeling
like sandpaper got ahold of it in a severe way. “It’s nothing. I just think I’m
allergic to the South,” I say dryly.
“You know you
can just forget about the whole thing, or I can catch up with you so we can
face this together. Please let me be there for you, love.”
“That’s
awfully tempting, but I think this is something I need to take care of on my
own.” I really don’t want him to have to be in the midst of the chaos I am
about to step into. For one thing, the way my family deems fit to treat each
other is embarrassing. Moreover, Lucas deserves to be spared from as much of my
issues as possible. “I’ll call you tomorrow. Love you.”
“Love you
too. If you change your mind, you know where I’ll be.”
I hang up
the phone without replying. Sitting here on the edge of the bed, I rub my shaky
hands over my knees as the demons begin to dance. I roll my shoulders over and
over, but I am unable to shrug them off. As I glance around the room, my gaze
lands on a cocktail menu sitting on the nightstand. Drinking was something I
left back in college, but tonight I just want to hush those blame demons.
Before I can come to my senses, I call in an order. Maybe the booze will help
with my allergies . The hotel operator
sounds confused and a bit amused as I order a buffet of various drinks like a
pure idiot.
After the
cocktails arrive, I fill the large soaking tub and select an orange
fruity-looking concoction to medicate myself while I soak. I toss in some
complementary bath salts and ease into the steaming water that tingles along my
skin. After I am settled, I turn on the jets, hoping to work out the knots in
my shoulders. I reach over to the side of the tub to retrieve my fancy glass
and take a test sip. The first stings of the alcohol on my tongue remind me of
a home remedy Jean used to give us kids when we were sick. It was a combination
of vodka, lemon, and honey. I don’t know if it cured anything besides keeping
us out of our mother’s hair while we were sick. That potent potion would knock
you flat on your butt. Needless to say, we slept a lot when we were sick. I
guess that was a good thing for us all.
I rest my
head on the back of the enormous tub and sink a little farther down. As I watch
the water whirl around in all directions, the demons pick up on their dancing. I’m lost…I’m bored…I’m worthless…I’m so
confused. Just slip under the water. Just let it overtake you and the pain will
be gone…
I chug the
rest of the sharp syrupy liquid and set the glass back down, nearly dropping it
in my haste. I sink farther into the steaming, vigorous water and feel as
though I’m losing control. All of a