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loving-kindness.” We then extend our wish to all sentient beings: “May all beings enjoy loving-kindness.” Or for compassion: “May I be free from suffering and the root of suffering. May you be free of suffering and the root of suffering. May all beings be free of suffering and the root of suffering.” For a more elaborate aspiration practice, we can use seven stages (see teaching 35).
    The aspiration practices of the four limitless qualities train us in not holding back, in seeing our biases and not feeding them. Gradually we will get the hang of going beyond our fear of feeling pain. This is what it takes to become involved with the sorrows of the world, to extend loving-kindness and compassion, joy and equanimity to everyone—no exceptions.

35
    The Practice of Loving-Kindness
    T O MOVE FROM AGGRESSION to unconditional loving-kindness can seem like a daunting task. But we start with what’s familiar. The instruction for cultivating limitless maitri is to first find the tenderness that we already have. We touch in with our gratitude or appreciation—our current ability to feel goodwill. In a very nontheoretical way we contact the soft spot of bodhichitta. Whether we find it in the tenderness of feeling love or the vulnerability of feeling lonely is immaterial. If we look for that soft, unguarded place, we can always find it.
    This formal seven-step practice uses the first line of the Four Limitless Ones chant (see book epilogue). You can also put the aspiration in your own words.
     
Awaken loving-kindness for yourself. “May I enjoy happiness and the root of happiness,” or use your own words.
Awaken it for someone for whom you spontaneously feel unequivocal goodwill and tenderness, such as your mother, your child, your spouse, your dog. “May (name) enjoy happiness and the root of happiness.”
Awaken loving-kindness for someone slightly more distant, such as a friend or neighbor, again saying their name and aspiring for their happiness, using the same words.
Awaken loving-kindness for someone about whom you feel neutral or indifferent, using the same words.
Awaken loving-kindness for someone you find difficult or offensive.
Let the loving-kindness grow big enough to include all the beings in the five steps above. (This step is called “dissolving the barriers.”) Say, “May I, my beloved, my friend, the neutral person, the difficult person all together enjoy happiness and the root of happiness.”
Extend loving-kindness toward all beings throughout the universe. You can start close to home and widen the circle even bigger. “May all beings enjoy happiness and the root of happiness.”
    At the end of the practice, drop the words, drop the wishes, and simply come back to the nonconceptual simplicity of sitting meditation.

36
    Cultivating Compassion
    J UST AS NURTURING our ability to love is a way of awakening bodhichitta, so also is nurturing our ability to feel compassion. Compassion, however, is more emotionally challenging than loving-kindness because it involves the willingness to feel pain. It definitely requires the training of a warrior.
    For arousing compassion, the nineteenth-century yogi Patrul Rinpoche suggests imagining beings in torment—an animal about to be slaughtered, a person awaiting execution. To make it more immediate, he recommends imagining ourselves in their place. Particularly painful is his image of a mother with no arms watching as a raging river sweeps her child away. To contact the suffering of another being fully and directly is as painful as being in that woman’s shoes. For most of us, even to consider such a thing is frightening. When we practice generating compassion, we can expect to experience our fear of pain.
    Compassion practice is daring. It involves learning to relax and allowing ourselves to move gently toward what scares us. The trick to doing this is to stay with emotional distress without tightening into aversion; to let fear soften us rather than harden into