learn?
above me a painted waterfall
and stars on the ceiling
all this peace
makes me feel queer
the mysteries
the mysteries
we could never have predicted
they become our lives
and less confused
calmly in them
we rotate not psychotic or tragic.
I have lived in the black crater
of feeling every moment
is the moment just after
one has chosen forever
to live in the black crater
of having chosen to live in the black crater
and therefore I know
exactly why David Foster Wallace
took his life away from himself
even though he was also taking it away
from everyone he knew.
This morning I was woken
by soft sour breath
a slight fleck of metal
in the organic
like a field of titanium gravestones
growing warmer in the sun.
I could breathe it for hours
but now it is gone
which is ok as long as long as the exhaling
somewhere else continues.
Her job is to incrementally
regulate the conduct
of those who regulate
the city and mine is to be
happy for a few moments thinking
I could actually be
one who is happy watching
afternoon fog pour
predictably down
into sunny Noe Valley
from cold Twin Peaks.
3
If you know
the story of Marco Polo
you know after a long journey he came
upon the Mongol armies sleeping
and wisely turned back
already composing
a much more fabulous story
than not being able
to report being torn
apart by four horses
attached to his limbs.
From then on wherever
he went or did not he brought back
wondrous marvels and lies.
In this poem
every word means exactly
what it means
when we use it in every day life.
So when I say I went
to the grocery store
and felt too ashamed
to ask where are the eggs
only a very small part of me means
I have returned to report
we have by our mothers
been permanently destroyed.
When the president
opens his hands
a door knob
made of an unnaturally
heavy substance
floats up to the blue
door to the worry factory.
Open it and down
drift all the 21st century
problems, stick out
your tongue and maybe
you will taste sunlight
and maybe ash.
Go little president!
We are all blowing
into your wings!
We promise to no longer
be transactional
in our personal dealings!
We promise no longer
to know some things
are important but one
does not need to know why.
If the heart makes
the sound of two violins
sleeping in a baby carriage,
then new technologies
cannot make us
both more loyal and free.
Wayward free radical dreams,
I want to be loyal,
I say it once into the darkness.
Come on all you ghosts,
try to make me forget you.
4
Come with me
and I will show you
terrible marvels.
The little cough I heard in my mind
was one I remembered
my father made just as he died,
we werenât sure
if it was his last breath
or just some air left in his lungs,
not that it matters.
Please donât feel the least bit sorry
for me or yourself,
everyone you have ever seen
has a dead father,
some are just walking around alive
but itâs temporary,
so bring your sorrow
for everyone out into the street,
in the sun. If a nation
can fall asleep
it can wake up not
exactly angry but a little dizzy
with pleasant hunger.
A glass of juice.
A melancholy. Then remember
we all have something important
to do today in the sun.
Come on all you ghosts,
all you young holding hands
or alone, all you older
people and people of middle
indeterminate age,
we need you, winter is not
through with us.
The sea seems more
than a little angry,
and over it blows
a very cold breeze
that is also the color grey.
In this room with its black desk
sometimes I hear
the crystal factory whirring
under a sky
the color of black
tabletops entranceways
and dead light bulbs.
Are those your hands
on the switches
ghosts? All day I have been
feeling blind, dizzy and enclosed,
as if I were being carried
in the hand of a great being
who insisted he was still
but I could feel the