roll, Mom comes over to whisper to me. “Callie.
Honey—let’s get you up to bed.” She gently pulls Abby out of my arms and then
helps me stand up. Abby doesn’t wake up. She rests her little blonde curls back
on the couch pillow and continues to breathe heavily. Mom holds my arm as we
start to walk back to my nursing home—or bedroom. We stop by the bathroom (Mom
doesn’t want me to have any need to try to walk by myself later…), and then
head to my room.
Eventually,
Mom tucks me in, feels my forehead one more time, turns on the food channel,
and heads to bed herself.
As
I wait for enough time to pass for her to get ready for bed and then fall
asleep, I get my phone out of my pocket.
Here
goes.
I
find his text and hit reply again.
I know. If you leave
my license with Annie, I can just come and pick it up.
There.
Not bad.
One.
Two. Three. SE—
WAIT.
With
my catastrophic timing, I’ll somehow manage to arrive in the office when he is
there and talking to Annie or something at the front desk. And then what? I’ll
freeze and get all stuck in place in the waiting room in the middle of other
patients with varying degrees of crazy…and then one of them might try to talk
to me or comfort me and in the process might touch me or spit on—
This
isn’t going to work.
I’ll
just end up bolting from the office…leaving me upset, him somehow more upset
(I’m sure, because I always manage to worsen his mood), and me still with no
license.
Erase
text. Try again.
I know. Don’t worry
about it. I can just go to the DMV and get another one.
It
doesn’t even take a full count of three for me to realize how ridiculous this
sounds, so I once again erase my message. Gonna have to try again later.
Right
now, the house is quiet, so I put my phone in my pocket and get to work…trying
to put everything else out of my mind.
{And
the soundtrack for tonight’s routine is…Damien Rice with “The Blower’s
Daughter . ” Over and over and over and over and over and over and…}
Chapter
4
back
home
WELL,
I GOT CAUGHT LAST night at the end of my routine. Abby woke up when I bumped
into the couch as I tried to straighten the pictures in the living room. When
she asked me what I was doing up by myself, I quickly mumbled something about
having left my phone downstairs. Then I asked her not to say anything to
anyone, and I told her to just go back to sleep. I did eventually finish my
downstairs routine, but not until after I heard her heavy sleep breathing
resume.
Thank
God it’s confession day. Lying to an innocent child. Hoping that said child
lies for me and doesn’t tell anyone that I was up by myself in the middle of
the night (a withholding of the truth—a lie of omission, but a lie all the
same). I’m kind of torn about what I want to happen. I don’t want Mom and
Melanie and Mandy to find out that I was up checking when I was supposed to be
resting. Dr. Lennox will probably be back to see me in no time then. However, I
don’t want Abby to have to keep a secret or to lie for me. I don’t want to put
her little soul in jeopardy.
Hmm…if
she doesn’t tell on me, I think I’ll just confess her lie of omission for
her…just to be safe.
For
now, I need to make sure that no one else catches me as I do my downstairs
morning routine. If Mandy or Melanie wakes up, I’m pretty sure either one of
them would tell Mom. Just like when I was a kid and they told on me for taking
off my lotiony sock gloves to wash my hands…
SOMEHOW,
I MAKE IT THROUGH my entire downstairs routine without waking anyone. I’m not
sure that I got all of the crumbs and pieces of fuzz off of the living room
carpet…but it was just too risky considering last night’s flub up. I couldn’t
afford to be caught again…I couldn’t…can’t…stomach seeing Dr. Lennox again
today…
Trying
to just accept the fact that there might still be a few pieces of fuzz on the
living room floor, I