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here, then I'll quit arguing with you right now."
     
    * * *
    RJ looked at Mickey, and Mickey looked at her. "You're leaving me here. Can't you see how that makes me feel? You're all going away, and I'm staying here."
     
    "I will miss you, too, Mickey, but it's the only way. You're too important here
 . . .
Besides, you have a life here. None of the rest of us really do. You have to stay here and have a normal life for all of us. You have to stay and be our eyes and ears here on Earth. Someone has to stay with Marge; someone has to maintain her."
     
    "If you go. . ." he shook his head and tried not to cry. "I'll never see you again. I know that, RJ. I know when you leave that you'll never come back."
     
    She knew he was probably right. "I may come back."
     
    "No you won't. I know you won't." His tears fell then. "I know I have to stay, but I don't think you have to go. I think you want to go. That even Levits who is bitching and moaning wants to go. But you can't run from your pain, RJ. It won't stay here; it will follow you."
     
    She nodded. "What can I say? You're right. I know you're right." She turned to look at the mainland. "But there is nothing for me here but pain, Mickey. I don't want to leave you behind, but I do want to go. I can't stay here. Something has happened to me, and I have to try and fix it because I don't like the way I feel."
     
    "Why
 . . .
Why did you make me President?" Mickey asked. "Surely I was not the best choice! Topaz, or David, or Levits. . . you ."
     
    "Me!" She laughed. "No, not me, Mickey, and not David. Never David. No one trusts David anymore. Topaz? We all know Topaz isn't playing with a full deck. Besides he belongs to another time. And Levits? Levits has been in a leadership position before. Something went wrong, and he never wants to be in that position again. Don't you get it, Mickey? We're all crazies in one way or another. You're the only one of the inner circle that's sane – normal."
     
    The little man laughed. "Me, normal! Look at me. I'm not even three feet tall."
     
    "But your head is normal, Mickey. Your wants, needs and desires are normal. You're not filled with hate or fear of failure. You aren't consumed by grief or looking for things you haven't lost yet. When the chips were down, you came through. Under pressure you kept things going. The people know they can trust you if there is a crisis. They also know you're one of them; that they can trust you to do what's right."
     
    Mickey dried his face. "I've never had to do any of it alone before."
     
    "You're doing it alone now, Mickey," RJ said. "When is the last time the inner circle made a decision on policy? Besides, you won't be alone. You have a wonderful mate in Diana, you have surrounded yourself with capable people, and don't forget you'll have Marge. We'll be able to communicate over com-link most of the time."
     
    Mickey nodded and swallowed hard. He couldn't make her feel bad about leaving because he realized she had to go, and the others had to go with her or she would be alone.
     
    He mustered a smile. "At least say you'll try to come back to visit."
     
    She nodded, her own tears spilling onto her cheeks. "I'll try." She hugged him tightly.
     
    "Careful, RJ. You'll break me."
     
    They both laughed and talked about something less serious – matters of state.
     
    * * *
    Topaz saw her walking on the wall and went to join her. She was brooding again.
     
    "You know leaving won't change things," he said at her shoulder. She didn't jump; she'd known he was there. He wished just once he could sneak up on the bitch and scare her silly. "You can leave all that behind, but you can't run from what's inside you."
     
    "So I've been told. But I can sure as hell give it a try," RJ said.
     
    "You have to let go of your grief, RJ," he said quietly. "It's consuming you, stealing any happiness you might have. They wouldn't have wanted that. Not Sandy, and certainly not Whitey."
     
    "I can't help the