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with someone who’s discreet, who won’t
expect anything more from you than mutual satisfaction. What the
fuck, Cree?”
* * *
    Goddamn, Evan’s words hurt. They pierced him straight through the chest and festered. Evan expected so little of him. Everything he’d said was superficial. Did he really see Cree that way? Cree had been thinking of a possible relationship with Evan. He’d taken for granted that Evan’s nerves had been because he worried about the risk of investing in each other, too. But all Evan had been thinking was that he’d get to have a one-night stand with a movie star.
    Cree’s throat burned. He squeezed his waist to keep his hands from shaking. Humiliation burned behind his eyes. He’d been used. Just like everyone else in Hollywood. Fucked in one way or another by whomever came along to stick it to him.
“Never mind,” Cree rasped.
    He looked away, making the mistake of looking at the rumpled bedcovers. He could still feel Evan. Every kiss. Every touch. Every moment of his desperate invasion. Had it been so heartless? Had Cree been the only one actually opening up his soul—for this ?
“I don’t want to never mind.” Evan took several steps closer.
    Cree stood his ground with difficulty. “You’ve had what you want. It’s my turn.”
“Don’t be like that.”
“What, honest? It’s more dignity than you’ve given me.”
Concern veiled Evan’s eyes. “Please,” he pled. “Talk to me. What did I do that made you so upset?”
It took a minute to unclench his jaw. He already felt like his chest was a gaping wound. What would a little salt and lemon juice be in opening up farther? “You underestimated me.”
Evan’s expression encouraged him to continue.
“I want you to expect more from me. From us. I want your feelings to hurt if you think you aren’t enough. Then I want you to talk to me about it so we can fix it. I want you to care if you think I’m looking at another guy. I want you to miss me when I’m not around, but not because you want to get your rocks off.”
The admission took too much. Cree retrieved Evan’s clothes and tossed them at his chest. Evan caught them unconsciously.
“You want a relationship?” Evan defined incredulously.
“I wanted to try , Evan. You didn’t.”
A thousand emotions flitted across Evan’s face. He looked like he wanted to say something, but couldn’t fix on what to start with. Finally the air rushed out of Evan’s lungs telling him the one thing Cree didn’t want to hear. “I can’t.”
Evan’s unemotional work-mask fell into place. Cree’s lover was gone. His mind raced with a way to bring him back, words he could use to egg him into another fight. Anything to get him to look at Cree like he mattered, even if it was pity.
“Why not?” was all Cree could manage around the lump in his throat.
“Because I’m not stupid. I know how things work here and I know that even with the best of intentions, bad decisions are made that destroy people’s lives. I know that once you’re in Hollywood, your soul gets sucked out of you and no one matters but the person in the mirror.”
“You think that about me?” Cree asked.
Evan yanked on his jeans in barely controlled anger. His jaw set stubbornly, and as Cree asked his question, Evan’s eyes flicked up to him dismissively before he continued getting dressed.
“Not yet, but I will. Then I’ll hate myself for giving in to a moment because some hot guy made me forget long enough to believe a flightless dream.”
Cree closed his eyes on the pain. It wasn’t getting better, it was getting worse. This discussion made him hurt so much more than he’d already been. “Your faith in me is spectacularly low.”
“Cree, you might be the best thing to enter my life. I’ve known you two weeks. They’ve been intense, but I don’t trust myself to say that it’s worth the risk of a long-term heartbreak.”
“So you’re opting for short-term decimation.”
“I’m suggesting casual sex