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remember anything about The Wandering Halo other than the day that Fahrn came and everything that happened afterward is in pieces until I met you. That's really clear, like looking at photographs or watching videos. Mostly anyway. There are things missing there too though. Whole days are just gone. And the things that I did when I was alone, they're gone too."
                  More silence. I'm such a mess. Hong Chan must be regretting helping me now. He worked so hard to get me here and now that I've actually been able to speak to Fahrn, I'm worse. He must think I'm really selfish throwing it all back in his face like this. "I feel like I'm broken," I say weakly.
                  Another pause, then he asks, "Are you dressed?"
                  "Yes," I say, my eyes on my feet.
                  I hear the bathroom door open and Hong Chan's feet move softly across the room until he reaches the sofa. He sits himself down next to me with a sigh, then says calmly, "It's not easy, healing. But you're a survivor, Meera. And the stuff that you went through, it ..." He sighs again. "It would take less to kill most people, a lot less. You feel broken because you're having to face up to just how much has happened to you. And how much you've done to yourself. This was never going to be easy, was it?"
                  I shake my head.
                  "Reliving everything is going to hurt, but you've lived through far worse. If it gets too much though, I'm sure Fahrn would understand if ..."
                  "No," I cut him off, instantly regretting both how desperate I just sounded and how rude it was to talk over him. "Sorry."
                  "You still want to continue?" he asks.
                  I close my eyes, take a deep breath and nod.
                  "Good. The first step's the hardest, or so they say."
                  "You say that a lot," I giggle.
                  "Do I?"
                  I nod and Hong Chan laughs.
                  "Well it's still true, no matter how many times I say it, and you've made a lot of first steps. Starting training, your first qualifying match, your first time in front of the TV crowd. They're all really scary things that you faced down, and here you are ready for more. How's it feel being back in costume again after yesterday by the way?"
                  "I still don't like PVC," I reply. "And I still feel too bare." I swallow hard. "But the crowd liked it. And it's part of being here, which means it's part of what let me meet Fahrn. I am kinda looking forward to Jeanine doing my makeup again though. She was nice."
                  Hong Chan smiles and pulls his phone out of his pocket, flicking the screen on before replying, "Speaking of which, you're due to see her in about fifteen minutes. Do you need me to go with you, or do you remember the way?"
                  "I'll be OK," I lie. "If I get lost I can ask someone."
                  "If you're sure," he says, getting to his feet and giving my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "OK, well I've got to head over to Lana's changing room. You remember Lana, right?"
                  "Your boss," I nod. "She helped rush the adoption papers through for us."
                  "That's right. I need to run through a few work things with her, then we can get back to the important stuff. Are you absolutely sure that you don't need me to go with you to see Jeanine? I don't mind taking you there and doubling back."
                  I shake my head and lie again. "I'll be OK."

LANA DE LA CRUZ - 10:30
     
                  Hmm. I wasn't expecting the sudden knot in my stomach that arrived with the knock at the door. And now I don't know if it's because Finn's not here and the last unexpected door knock when he wasn't