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“That’s why I tried to kill myself.”
    Olivia raised her eyebrow, her forehead crinkling together, making three long worry lines. Gabby wondered if her forehead looked just like Olivia’s right now. She wished she could just think the rest of the story from her mind across the lines on her face and have Olivia read it across her head; the rest would be the hardest to say aloud.
    “I told Jake all of this while he drove. He had no idea before then that René had ever been to our house. I kept talking and crying, and crying and talking, while Jake drove on, looking straight ahead. I was rambling on about all the horrible things René had done and all the terrifying threats he had made against Jake and me, and I didn’t shut up. I probably gave him too many details. You know how I get. Once I start, I just keep on talking and talking and talking... I was finally getting it all out. I didn’t ever pause, and I was too ashamed to look at him while talking about it. I was so full of that shame and needed to get it out, share it with Jake, so there was nothing left unsaid between us. If I had only looked at him... before it was too late.”
    “Why, Gabby? What difference would that have made? Looking at him wouldn’t have stopped the accident,” Olivia said, confused.
    “It might have, Olivia. Just before the accident, I finally did look at Jake. He had been crying for me—with me—silent tears. His face was soaked. His nice shirt was wet. Tears were running rivers down his face, dripping off his jaws. He hadn’t wiped his eyes or his face or even so much as sniffled... probably afraid I would see and stop saying what I needed to say.”
    Gabby’s voice broke and she stopped a moment to gather her breath.
    “His nose was running right over his lips, his face was red and covered in tears, and his eyes were glassy with more tears threatening to flow over. His hands were shaking—his whole body was shaking. He was trying to hold it all in, trying to be so strong so I could purge, that he didn’t move a muscle to wipe his own face. I told him, Oh my God, Jake... let me get you a Kleenex. I reached down to my purse to get the Kleenex, and when I looked up, we were heading straight toward the concrete barrier wall. Jake couldn’t see. He was blinded by grief.”
    Gabby hung her head and started weeping again. Olivia moved to the couch and wrapped her arm around her, pulling Gabby’s head to her shoulder. She still went on between sobs.
    “It was only a split second before I saw we would hit it, and I screamed. Jake tried to correct, but it was too late. The front wheel went up the barrier and the car flipped. Several times. All I can remember of the crash was seeing Jake reaching for me with his face so wet with those tears as it seemed we went ‘round and ‘round, with loud horrible sounds all around us. I couldn’t hear myself screaming over the noise, but I know I was. I don’t know how many times the car flipped. Then it went dark for a minute. I must’ve blacked out.
    “When I opened my eyes again, Jake was still awake and reaching for me, but instead of tears, his face was dripping with blood. I remember being so confused, thinking I had hurt him so bad with my words that he was bleeding tears. It was eerily quiet. Jake reached out for me and I grabbed his hand, telling him I was so sorry. He smiled and told me it wasn’t my fault, to let it go. He said he loved me and that was all that mattered. I tried to tell him I loved him too, but I think I blacked out again before I could say it. I don’t even know if I got to tell him one last time. The next time I woke up there were paramedics there. I was on one gurney and looked around and saw another gurney... covered in a white sheet. They took him too far away for me to reach him. I tried, but I couldn’t get up.”
    “Gabby, that accident wasn’t your fault. Thousands of people have hit the barrier walls and wrecked their cars. It happens. It