Read By the Creek for Free Online

Sometimes I don’t know if I know what’s in my own heart.”
    David was taken back a bit by Benjamin’s admission, but only because he’d wondered the same thing so many times. He’d kept a huge part of who he was to himself because he knew he couldn’t tell anyone. At times it really felt like he was lying to everyone, especially his mother, but he couldn’t tell her he liked boys. She’d hate him, and he couldn’t live with that. “I don’t think you’re alone. There are things we all keep to ourselves and don’t talk to others about, and I think it’s okay as long as you aren’t hurting anyone.” That was easy for him to say to Benjamin, and a lot harder for him to really believe.
    “God knows what’s in our hearts, so what if keeping part of ourselves from others is a kind of lie?” Benjamin asked.
    “If God knows what’s in our hearts, then we aren’t able to lie to him, and maybe what we feel and think is sometimes no one else’s business,” David said, and Benjamin looked at him with wide eyes before he smiled and then started to laugh.
    “You’re kind of bad,” Benjamin said.
    “No. I just think some things are our own and no one else has a right to them. Each of us is entitled to an opinion. We may not be right, but we have the right to think and live the way we want. Your family is sort of proof of that. You live the way you want, separate from everyone else, but that’s your right and you should be allowed to live like that. And I think everyone should be able to live and think the way they want.” David knew he was probably ranting and getting a bit excited, but he felt passionately about it. He stood up and began pacing. “I mean, if someone isn’t hurting anyone, but they feel differently than most people, then other people should accept that they’re different and like them for that.”
    Benjamin tilted his head upward and blinked a few times. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Benjamin’s wide blue eyes were so beautiful. As he stared, David completely lost his train of thought. David stared back, wondering what Benjamin’s lips would taste like if he kissed him. He knew he could never do that. Benjamin would run away so fast, and David would never see him again.
    “Sorry,” David said and sat back down. “Sometimes I go off. Mom calls it diarrhea of the mouth and tells me to be quiet.” He’d wondered more than once if there was something wrong with him when he got like that. “Sometimes I feel like I have something to say and if I don’t say it I’ll explode, but I can’t say it, so I just keep quiet.”
    Benjamin grinned brilliantly. “Now that I understand. I’m not allowed to have an opinion. As long as I live with my family, what my papa says goes, and after him, what the minister says goes. Even when I get married and have a family, what the minister says still goes.”
    “Even in your own house?” David asked.
    “Yes. We’re all responsible for the health and salvation of our brothers.” Benjamin stood up and wandered over to the pool, sitting on a log near the edge. David went over and sat next to him. “Aren’t you? Isn’t your mother punished if you do something wrong?”
    “I guess so, if I did something really bad, but mostly if I do something bad, I get in trouble.” Benjamin tilted his head to the side in what appeared to be complete confusion. “I guess things are different for you.”
    “Yes. Papa is the head of the family.” Benjamin thought for a few seconds. “Last year my older brother Samuel was out working in one of Papa’s fields on a Sunday, which isn’t allowed. God rested on the seventh day, so we do too. The next Sunday, Mama and Papa were called out in church for working on the Sabbath. They both asked for forgiveness, and everyone prayed over them to help them teach their children to behave better.”
    “But Samuel was the one who broke the rules,” David protested.
    “But Mama and Papa are held