appear haughty and disdainful when he is feeling most painfully anxious. It is a fault, to be sure, but hardly a fatal one. But it was not my intention, Miss Bennet, to cloud such a lovely day with my family’s difficulties; let us find more pleasant matters to discuss than these.” He found elizabeth as eager for a change of subject as he, and the rest of the walk passed in a happier manner, although the previous topic of discussion continued to roil elizabeth’s spirits.
When Mr. collins returned from his daily visit to rosings, he bore the news that, to elizabeth’s chagrin, Lady catherine had invited them all to dinner the following evening, and had expressly mentioned her desire to see Miss Bennet there prior to her upcoming departure. elizabeth spent a brief time wondering whether she could manage to avoid the occasion by using the excuse of illness once more, but concluded grimly that Mr.
collins and charlotte would bear the burden of Lady catherine’s displeasure if she were to defy her will so far as to dare to be sick when she was specifically commanded to be at rosings. Therefore, to rosings she would go; and, through the remainder of the day, her mind rarely drifted from the question of how she should behave when faced once again with Mr.
Darcy. These same meditations at length closed her eyes that night; and, by the following day, she was no nearer resolution than when she had begun, but even more apprehensive.
she could not recall the last time she had been in low spirits for such a time as this. Her thoughts travelled from the unfeeling mode of his declaration to the pained look on his face when she had confronted him, to-27
Abigail Reynolds
gether with colonel Fitzwilliam’s more sympathetic portrayal of him. no matter how she tried to justify her behaviour, she could find no way to ex-culpate herself for causing him significant pain and distress, something she would have earlier found it hard to imagine him to be capable of feeling.
she had always known that she was not so tender-hearted as Jane, but to find herself so insensitive as to have completely neglected the effects of her refusal on Mr. Darcy was unpleasant. It rankled that his proud behaviour had led so directly to her humbling realization of her own failings, and there were moments when she could almost feel glad that he was suffering along with her. But her native sense of justice and fairness would not allow that sentiment to persist for long, and she kept returning to the knowledge of how greatly her perception had failed her in this instance. At length she resolved to do her best to meet him with civility and kindness as she would any other person she knew to be suffering, though she remained uncertain of her true ability in this regard.
she would have been startled to discover Darcy was facing a similar struggle. Her words from their more recent meeting had joined those of their ill-fated encounter in the parsonage in echoing constantly in his ears.
He kept seeing her face, bereft of its usual laughter, with her fine eyes filling with tears—tears he had caused. Until that moment, the thought that she might have been wounded rather than complimented by his addresses had never crossed his mind. He had realized with mortification that he could not recall any instance where he had been concerned for her sensibilities—it had never even occurred to him that she might be distressed over her sister’s abandonment by Bingley. He could not understand when he had become so unfeeling; he had always thought of himself as one who put a concern for others before his own, but strict self-examination was showing him that he applied this rule only to those people who were closest to him.
Had his disregard grown with each experience of a woman who made it clear that marriage to him would be her greatest achievement? Had he in fact come to believe that he was so much the centre of the universe as to honour anyone by the bestowal of his