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said the band instructor, curl your lips and blow) but the entire incident isn’t worth mentioning.
     
    “What’s the problem?” I said. “Plenty of people come here all the time.”
     
    And then I didn’t look at him at all. I pretended to study the menu although I’d obviously order black coffee straight up.
     
    “Yeah,” Sundelin said. “But not all of them are here every day secretly wishing I’d fuck them.”
     
    “What?” I pretended complete and total ignorance. Obviously I blushed. Obviously I looked over my shoulder in case anyone stood behind me to whom I could say, This guy is nuts.
     
    Sundelin smirked, and really, the guy had a smirk about him that was sexy. “C’mon,” he said. “You’re inexperienced, not stupid.”
     
    I shrugged. And then I said, “Well, right, I’m not stupid.”
     
    “That’s what I said.” Sundelin put a black coffee straight up on the counter in front of him, between us, and then he looked at me. “There you go.”
     
    “Oh, right,” I said. “Thank you.” And then I dug in my backpack for change and Sundelin said, “I’ve got a bright idea,” while I still sort of dug in my backpack and kind of avoided eye contact with him while really wanting to look at him, and damn, I felt the change right there in my fingers but then lost it because damn, Sundelin was so Fucking Damn Beautiful. I grabbed hold of the change and then dropped it on the counter. What a fucking relief. I felt how red I was in the face, how I sweat, how terrified and turned on I was.
     
    Sundelin said, “Skip class.”
     
    Oh, Jesus. I hadn’t tipped him. I felt one of those delirious waves of dizziness come over me and almost grabbed the counter. “What?” I began to dig in my backpack again.
     
    “You’re on your way to class, right?”
     
    “Oh. Uh huh.” Where was the goddamn change? Had he just asked me to skip class?
     
    “Skip class,” Sundelin said again.
     
    Okay. He’d asked me to skip class. I’d heard him. Another delirious wave of dizziness. And then I laughed. “Okay.” Nervous laughter. “I’ll skip class.” I found the change, dropped it into the tip jar and then almost dropped my backpack. “So…you want to hang out? ” I grabbed the counter, at least leaned into it. I cupped my hand around my coffee. Damn! Hot!
     
    “I want you to sit at a table by the window all day,” Sundelin said.
     
    “Yeah, okay.” And then I was immediately confused. “So… I’ll sit by a window and what?”
     
    “Christ,” Sundelin said. “I’ve got customers. Can you get out of the way, please?” Sundelin looked over my shoulder at the next person in line. He showed her a radiant smile. “Mrs. Miller. Hey there. Nonfat Peppermint Patty today?”
     
    “Yes,” the woman behind me said, and she sounded pleased, sicklike, you know?
     
    I took my coffee and stepped out of line and went to a table by a window and sat.
     
     
    Well. My ass started to hurt, even my tailbone, the bones of my ass, my ass bones, they all hurt. Sitting there I had enough time to think about it. My ass hurt. But what I wanted to know was how it would hurt when a guy fucked me in the ass. Right? I’d finished my homework. I’d emailed my writing teacher from my laptop to apologize for missing class and then to ask what the assignment was. I texted my roommate who was also taking Native American Studies with me to see what I’d missed there too. She sent a text back.
     
    Where are you?
     
    Oh. Coffee shop.
     
    Doing what?
     
    Nothing.
     
    Want me to meet you?
     
    No.
     
    Fine then.
     
    Just. See, I’m waiting on a guy, kinda.
     
    Like waiting for the sky to fall?
     
    Whatever.
     
    Uh huh.
     
    Can I borrow your notes?
     
    When will you be home?
     
    After four?
     
    Yeah, can’t wait to hear this.
     
    It got hot by the window by noon: sun shining, no clouds. I felt my bangs sticking to my forehead. I felt sweat in my asscrack. Was that sexy? Anytime I looked