probably be buried.
A light fog rises off the ground, conveniently blurring the general store, the fly-specked mecca where heâd go for after-school ice cream with Ruby. Heâs thankful for the mist that softens the junkscape of the Turner farm, the rusted trucks, the busted fridges with illegally left-on doors beckoning neighbor kids to crawl inside and smother. Heâs glad even for the deepening blackness that separates him from Sherrie, walling him off in a lozenge of solitude in which he can face the fact that what truly depressed him about the meeting was neither Bentham nor his colleagues, neither the spartan Founders Chapel nor all that pilgrim self-regard, nor even the shock of finding himself, stranded all these long years, in the heart of the stony heart of Puritan New England.
No, what really bothers himâand he can hardly admit it to himself; if he werenât driving through the half-dark, he couldnât let himself think itâis that he was too stupid or timid or scared to sleep with those students. What exactly was he proving? Illustrating some principle, making some moral point? The point is: he adores Sherrie, he always has. He would never hurt her. And now, as a special reward for having been such a good husband, such an all-around good guy, heâs got the chill satisfaction of having taken his high-minded self-denial almost all the way to the grave. Because now itâs all over. Heâs too old. Heâs way beyond all that.
He was right to do what he did. Or not to do what he didnât do. He gropes in the dark for Sherrieâs hand. Her fingers weave around his.
âWhat was that sigh for?â Sherrie says.
âDid I sigh?â says Swenson. âI was thinking Iâve got to do something about this molar.â Turning toward her, he points to it with his tongue.
âDo you want me to call the dentist?â she says.
âNo thanks,â he says. âI will.â
His marriage means everything to him. Thatâs what he imagined telling the admiring students if it ever came to thatâwhich it never did.
Sherrie says, âItâll sure make my life easier.â
In a better mood, heâd enjoy the intimacy that lets his wife pick up an old conversation or start a new one without introduction, or explanation. Just now, it annoys him. Why canât Sherrie say what she means? Because he knows what she means. Crisis counseling is part of her job, and if the sexual harassment policy takes hold, sheâll see fewer students destroyed by faculty Romeos. Sherrie has enough information to bust the entire school, but sheâs remarkably discreet and tolerant about what she sees in the clinic. She would not be discreet or tolerant if Swenson slept with a student. She used to boast about being Sicilian on both sides of the family, from villages where straying husbands were routinely thrown off mountaintops by the wronged wifeâs uncles and brothers. She used to say that if he cheated on her, sheâd divorce him, and then hunt him down and kill him. That she hasnât bothered to say that for years only depresses him more.
âLucky you.â He feels Sherrie flinch in the dark.
âExcuse me ,â she says. âWhat did I do?â
âMy nerves are shot,â Swenson mutters.
âYeah, well, mine too,â says Sherrie. âYou would not believe the nightmares that came into the clinic today.â
Swensonâs supposed to ask, What nightmares? But he doesnât want to.
âYou know,â says Sherrie after a while, âyou can relax. No oneâs going to fire you for teaching dirty student stories.â
How dare she underestimate the horrors he faces each day! Heâd like to see her go into the classroom and lie about what she loves most in the world, then crawl back into her hole and try to work on her novel. Just as heâs deciding whether to say any of the hostile things that could start