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the
karaoke equipment his parents had bought for him and
would join his friends on the checkouts as quickly as
possible.
    Chelle stood on the stage, glaring at Kevin. 'Look, I
promise,' she slurred. 'Let me sing one more and that's
it.'
    Kevin didn't really have any choice in the matter. 'OK,
just one more song.'
    Michelle looked at her friends. 'Now sod off, girls,
and let me sing this one on my own. I want to dedicate
it to my wonderful fucking husband.'
    Hazel, Suzie and Julie could feel trouble brewing and
left the stage without argument. None of them wanted to
get on the wrong side of Terry.
    'Right, ladies and gentlemen,' Kevin announced, 'I have
a lady here who wants to dedicate a song to her husband.'
    Michelle stood at the front of the stage with the mike
in her hand. She was drunk now, really drunk, and was
swaying from side to side. She didn't care, she felt really
important, the hall was silent and she had everybody's
attention. 'This song is going out especially for my
other half. Everyone knows who he is, 'cause he is the
ultimate Charlie Bigbananas.'
    At this point the hall was so quiet, you could have
heard a pin drop. 'Well, I want all you people to know,
he thinks I'm stupid and I'm anything but. I know he's
having an affair and all I can say is lucky her, whoever
she is. Tel, this song's for you, babe.' Chelle then
proceeded to sing Chas and Dave's 'Ain't No Pleasing
You'.
    Terry and Billie sat at the table feeling absolutely
mortified.
    'Dad, I'm so embarrassed, what are we gonna do?
What will Scott and my friends think of me?'
    Terry looked at his daughter's flushed cheeks and could
have cried for her. 'Don't worry, Bill, it's your mother
that's showed herself up, not you. Your friends won't think
any less of you, darling, and I'll tell you what me and
you will do. The day you turn sixteen, we're leaving your
mother for good. We'll get a nice place of our own, just
the two of us.'
    'Really? Oh, Dad, I'd love that. Do you really mean
it?'
    'I'm not joking, Princess. I'm deadly serious. Between
me and you, it's something I've had planned for ages.
I've never said anything to you before, the time just wasn't
right.'
    'Oh Dad, I can't wait. It'll be great me and you sharing
a house together.' Billie forgot about her embarrassment
briefly. She couldn't think of anything better than getting
away from her mother. Over the years, Billie had tried so
hard to build a relationship with her, she really had, but
all her efforts had amounted to nothing. Her mother had
no time for her and that was that. Billie had just had to
learn to live with it.
    'Oh darling, I'm a-a leaving, that's what I'm gonna
do-oo-oo-oo.'
    Kevin snatched the mike back quickly. 'A round of
applause for Michelle, everybody.' Nobody clapped.
Trotting down the stairs that adjoined the stage, Michelle
promptly stacked it and fell flat on her face.
    'Dad, quick, do something, she's fell over.' Billie could
feel her little heart beating nineteen to the dozen. In fact
she wished the ground would just open up and swallow
her.
    'Move out the way,' Terry snarled, as he barged his
way across the dance floor and into the crowd that
surrounded his wife. Michelle was lying on the floor, like
a rhino. The crotch of her trousers had split as she fell,
and because she rarely wore knickers, her Jack and Danny
was hanging out for all to see. Davey Boy and Terry each
took one arm and dragged her towards a table near the
door.
    'Are you OK, son?' Benny Bones asked Terry sympathetically.
    'What do you think?' Terry replied, shooting him a
look.
    'I'm not drunk you know,' Chelle slurred. 'It's these
new shoes. I slipped.'
    Propping her on the nearest chair, Terry fished around
in her handbag for his car keys. Ordering Dave to stand
guard over her, he gestured for Billie to follow him outside.
    'I'm never going out with her again, Dad,' Billie said,
sobbing.
    Terry looked at his daughter and felt so sorry for her.
She was a wonderful kid and really didn't deserve to