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vacation with a flighty Penny Sue
wielding a revolver.
    “By the way,” I said as casually as I could,
“I ran into Woody the other day. Did you ever get your gun
back?”
    “Heck no, I had to buy another one,” she
said, eyeing me suspiciously. “Why do you ask?”
    “Just wondered.” I took a good slug of my
own Chardonnay.
    Ruthie came to my rescue. “Depression is a
sure sign of a Vatta imbalance. How about a warm sesame oil
massage?” she said brightly. “Nothing better to realign your humors .”
    “You want to patta my vatta ?”
Penny Sue quipped.
    She was coming around.
    Ruthie shook her head peevishly. “Yes, Ms.
Smarty Pants. Go put on your swimsuit, and I’ll warm the oil.”
    The laughing and sesame massage lifted Penny
Sue’s spirits considerably, but it was Deputy Ted Moore’s arrival
for dinner that really fine-tuned her humors . Simply,
testosterone worked on Penny Sue like Prozac.
    When Ted arrived, I met him at the door and
explained the situation. “Let me see what I can do.”
    Well, the boy’s good. A few superlatives
about her new motorcycle and, next thing I knew, Penny Sue was
hugging his waist and they were riding off into the sunset. I have
to admit that I felt a tinge of jealousy. I’d never hugged Ted’s
waist. We’d both been so adamant about merely being friends, we
went through an awkward avoidance rite whenever we found ourselves
within two feet of each other.
    Ruthie read my mind. “You know, Penny Sue’s
just the touchy, feely type.” She nodded in the direction they’d
gone. “It doesn’t mean anything. Besides, it might be time for you
to loosen up a little.”
    “What do you mean, loosen up?”
    “Just a thought,” she said, heading down the
hall to the great room. “Me thinks ye doth protest too much about
Deputy Ted.”
    “You, of all people, know I’m not ready for
a relationship, and neither is he. We’re buddies and we both like
it that way.”
    “Whatever you say. Come on, let’s catch the
news.”
    The hour-long show was almost over before
Penny Sue and Ted returned. As time drew on, the tinge of jealously
I’d felt before grew to a trickle.
    Penny Sue bounced down the hall grinning
from ear to ear. “Look what I have,” she exclaimed, waving a
videocassette with huge red lips on the cover. “ Rocky
Horror! Ted and I thought—”
    Ted and I . The trickle expanded to a
good-sized stream.
    “—we could get take-out from the steakhouse
and watch the movie. Won’t that be fun?” She put her hands on her
hips and started hopping around, mimicking the Time Warp dance
number from the movie. A few hours ago she was in the pits of
depression, and I felt fine. Now, she was back to her old self, and
I felt like hell. A strange turn of events, if you ask me.
    My eyes must have shot darts, because Penny
Sue abruptly stopped the antics. “Ted, take Leigh for a ride on my
bike.” She handed me her helmet. “Come on, it’s fun. We’ll order
dinner while you’re gone.”
    “The bike handles like a dream, and it’s a
beautiful night.” Ted flashed his movie star smile.
    My jealousy evaporated. “Okay,” I said,
strangely excited by the prospect of clinching his waist.
    “Wait, what do you want to eat?” Penny Sue
was back in charge. All was well.
    I opted for chicken and shrimp, while Ted
ordered prime rib.
    “And dessert, we must have dessert,” Penny
Sue decreed.
    “Chocolate’s good for depression,” Ruthie
commented.
    Penny Sue winked at me. “And, an
aphrodisiac,” she said under her breath. “What’s that super, duper
chocolate thing?”
    “Chocolate Avalanche,” Ruthie replied,
nearly swooning.
    “Right,” Penny Sue said, adding that to the
list with a big star. “We’ll get a couple of them.”
    * * *
    This was the first time I’d ever ridden on a
motorcycle. Until that night, I’d viewed bikes as loud, dangerous,
and borderline uncouth. My opinion changed immediately. First,
there was something positively sexual about