being irritating. I told myself to just shut up and go. Instead, I untwisted my mouth enough to say, âWell, you know about my little issue with hair â¦â
âPhht. Big deal. Youâd get used to that in no time. So what do they pay cleaning people these days? Ten, twelve bucks an hour?â
Again, should have shut up but didnât. I couldnât miss this opportunity to make Dolores look stupid. âNo, more like twenty.â
âTwenty!â The dreadlocked waitress stopped with her tongs hovering over the biscotti jar and looked at us. Dolores gave her a fake wave, then whispered to me at the top of her lungs. âYou nuts? For twenty bucks an hour, you canât stand a few hairs?â
At that moment, I truly hated Dolores. I wanted to say something so cruel, so cutting that it would positively impale her. I pictured an old-fashioned jousting pole going right through Tinky Winkyâs big purple belly.
âI mean, really.â
Dolores tilted her head at a jaunty angle. She looked like a pretentious pigeon.
Thatâs when I gave up. It wasnât just that I was losing. I felt dirty even being involved in the conversation. I wasnât the type of person to hate people, to say mean things to them, to fantasize about impaling them, pounding them,smashing their little green heads repeatedly with empty smoothie glasses.
I said, âYeah, well. Itâs not happening anyway so doesnât matter. Gotta go. See ya.â I stood up to leave.
Dolores yelled, âStop!â and the waitress looked over again.
I sat back down. I really couldnât handle a scene right now.
âYou thinking what Iâm thinking?â
âDonât know,â I said. âWhat are you thinking?â
âIâm thinking about my mother.â
I closed my eyes.
âMy mother always says the universe will provide. âCast your desires out upon the waters and they will come back fulfilled!â Something like that. Whatever. Sounds corny but sheâs right. Itâs like me and the smoothie. I needed something to cheer me up. I had no money. I walk into Zinniaâsâand bingo! Thereâs my old friend sitting here with an untouched smoothie. Thatâs how it works. Same thing with the cleaning business. Know what I mean?â
No. I didnât know what she meant. I was still stunned hearing Dolores refer to me as her âold friend.â I shook my head.
âCome on! Itâs so obvious. You need a job. I need a job. Youâve got the idea. Iâve got the stronger gag reflex. Itâs fate taking care of us!â Dolores threw her arms open. âSeriously. Letâs do it together!â
When will this nightmare end?
I chose my words carefully. âYeah, well, look. Itâs not a good idea to rush into something like this and Iâve really got to go. Why donât we just sort of think it over and maybe talk about it some other time, or whatever, okay?â
âSure. Great. Great!â Dolores made her hand into a little fist and shook it above her head. It made her look like a really hip senior citizen.
I nodded vaguely and headed for the door. Why hadnât I done that ages ago? I stepped back out into the sunlight and sighed.
Dolores, I realized, was right about one thing. Fate does have a way of looking after you.
Fate, in fact, had just talked to me. It told me to go back to bed. At least Iâd be safe there.
Chapter 6
M y big mistake had been to show any signs of life. All I wanted to do after that thing with Dolores was hole up and let the world carry on without me, but once Mom realized I was capable of getting myself out of bed and to the doctorâs office, she assumed I was also capable of existing as a legitimate human being again. She was on my back constantly now, nagging me to perk up, pull myself together, make an effort, fake it. âBetsy!â
What was she screaming about now? I rolled over