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being irritating. I told myself to just shut up and go. Instead, I untwisted my mouth enough to say, “Well, you know about my little issue with hair …”
    â€œPhht. Big deal. You’d get used to that in no time. So what do they pay cleaning people these days? Ten, twelve bucks an hour?”
    Again, should have shut up but didn’t. I couldn’t miss this opportunity to make Dolores look stupid. “No, more like twenty.”
    â€œTwenty!” The dreadlocked waitress stopped with her tongs hovering over the biscotti jar and looked at us. Dolores gave her a fake wave, then whispered to me at the top of her lungs. “You nuts? For twenty bucks an hour, you can’t stand a few hairs?”
    At that moment, I truly hated Dolores. I wanted to say something so cruel, so cutting that it would positively impale her. I pictured an old-fashioned jousting pole going right through Tinky Winky’s big purple belly.
    â€œI mean, really.”
    Dolores tilted her head at a jaunty angle. She looked like a pretentious pigeon.
    That’s when I gave up. It wasn’t just that I was losing. I felt dirty even being involved in the conversation. I wasn’t the type of person to hate people, to say mean things to them, to fantasize about impaling them, pounding them,smashing their little green heads repeatedly with empty smoothie glasses.
    I said, “Yeah, well. It’s not happening anyway so doesn’t matter. Gotta go. See ya.” I stood up to leave.
    Dolores yelled, “Stop!” and the waitress looked over again.
    I sat back down. I really couldn’t handle a scene right now.
    â€œYou thinking what I’m thinking?”
    â€œDon’t know,” I said. “What are you thinking?”
    â€œI’m thinking about my mother.”
    I closed my eyes.
    â€œMy mother always says the universe will provide. ‘Cast your desires out upon the waters and they will come back fulfilled!’ Something like that. Whatever. Sounds corny but she’s right. It’s like me and the smoothie. I needed something to cheer me up. I had no money. I walk into Zinnia’s—and bingo! There’s my old friend sitting here with an untouched smoothie. That’s how it works. Same thing with the cleaning business. Know what I mean?”
    No. I didn’t know what she meant. I was still stunned hearing Dolores refer to me as her “old friend.” I shook my head.
    â€œCome on! It’s so obvious. You need a job. I need a job. You’ve got the idea. I’ve got the stronger gag reflex. It’s fate taking care of us!” Dolores threw her arms open. “Seriously. Let’s do it together!”
    When will this nightmare end?
    I chose my words carefully. “Yeah, well, look. It’s not a good idea to rush into something like this and I’ve really got to go. Why don’t we just sort of think it over and maybe talk about it some other time, or whatever, okay?”
    â€œSure. Great. Great!” Dolores made her hand into a little fist and shook it above her head. It made her look like a really hip senior citizen.
    I nodded vaguely and headed for the door. Why hadn’t I done that ages ago? I stepped back out into the sunlight and sighed.
    Dolores, I realized, was right about one thing. Fate does have a way of looking after you.
    Fate, in fact, had just talked to me. It told me to go back to bed. At least I’d be safe there.

Chapter 6
    M y big mistake had been to show any signs of life. All I wanted to do after that thing with Dolores was hole up and let the world carry on without me, but once Mom realized I was capable of getting myself out of bed and to the doctor’s office, she assumed I was also capable of existing as a legitimate human being again. She was on my back constantly now, nagging me to perk up, pull myself together, make an effort, fake it. “Betsy!”
    What was she screaming about now? I rolled over