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access codes!”
    â€œWe don’t need access codes!” Chipmunk shouted. “We’ve got SWORDS!”
    â€œNot fair!” Sherman wailed. “Not fair!”
    Beast swung his sword and hacked the arm off a couch. Angel lowered his helmet-visor and ran headfirst into the TV screen.
    â€œWait! Stop! Pause the game!” I shouted.“Sherman is right. It’s gotta be a fair battle. I’ve got plenty of costumes for you guys, too—if you’ve got the cash!”
    I spun Belzer around by the visor. “Belzer, quick—go bring the trunk. We all want a fair battle, right? Get your money out, dudes. Five dollars a costume! Belzer, hurry. We don’t want the swords to get cold!”
    Belzer took off back to our dorm.
    Crench stepped up to me, shaking his head. “Bernie, what are you doing ? You’re gonna rent costumes to the enemy ?”
    I winked at him. “Do you have to ask?”
    â€œBut, Bernie—”
    â€œMy middle name is Fairness ,” I said. “You know me. I only care about fairness . Get your money out, dudes. Five dollars. Come on. No wrinkled bills. I don’t have time to iron ’em!”
    A few minutes later Belzer returned, groaning, sweating, and lugging the heavy trunk. I heaved the lid open and started handing out capes, helmets, shields, swords, and daggers.
    The Nyce House Knighty Knight Knightsgrabbed everything I had left. My pockets were bulging with cash.
    I slammed the trunk lid shut. It was a signal for the battle to begin.
    â€œIt’s Dum Dum Doomsday for all Dum Diddys!” Sherman cried. He and his pals charged, screaming and waving their swords.
    My Rotten House buddies fought back. Wooden swords clacked. Helmets clanged. Rubber daggers daggered. Belzer stabbed himself in the other foot!
    Thanks to Bernie B., the Wungo Warriors game came to life. The two sides battled out the front door and onto the grass. The dudes were having an awesome time.
    It was like a party! Especially for me. I unrolled the wadded-up fives and started to count. “Looks like Prince Awesome Dude is the big winner tonight!” I exclaimed.
    But then I looked up from my huge pile of cash. I gasped—and let out a scream of horror.
    Â 
    â€œNOOOO! NOOOOOO!”

Chapter 19
“THIS SCHOOL MUST BE CLOSED—TONIGHT!”
    Why did I scream?
    Because I saw where the battle was heading. To Pooper’s Pond!
    â€œGet away!” I went chasing after them, shouting. “Get away from the pond!”
    You can barely call it a pond. It’s more like a scummy, smelly, muddy ditch. If they fought in Pooper’s Pond, the costumes would be caked in its putrid mud.
    And who was responsible for the costumes? Bernie B.! I’d have to pay big-time to have them cleaned.
    Â 
    â€œGet away! Get AWAY!”
    Â 
    Too late.
    Beast took a running jump into the pond. Angel followed him in—and everyone else followed Angel.
    Swords clacked. Kids screamed and roared. The mud flew.
    They rolled in the mud and came up fighting. Knighty Knight Knights and Dum Diddys dove into the muck. Thick gobs of mud oozed down their faces, their capes, their armor.
    In seconds, the great battle turned into a disgusting mud bath.
    â€œNot good,” I muttered. “Not good at all.”
    I started to figure what this would cost me. I didn’t realize that the horror was just beginning.
    Then I turned—and started to choke.
    Headmaster Upchuck stood behind me, his eyes goggling out of his head as he stared at the mud fight. Next to him stood five horrified people in gray suits.
    The inspectors!

    Upchuck pointed a trembling finger at me. “Bernie—I know you’re responsible for this!” he cried.
    â€œI—I—I—” It never happened to me before. I was speechless !
    The shocked inspectors all started talking at once:
    â€œThis is an outrage !”
    â€œUnspeakable!”
    â€œThe students are