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forgotten my real mom and then what would I have? Nothing except the present. No past, no real family except my half-sister but could I see myself in a relationship which could lead to a husband and children?
    It was a scary proposition because I didn’t feel grounded myself. How could I possibly be a good mother when I was a mess myself? My life was a disaster area. Yes, I was educated and wealthy but other than that, I almost felt like I didn’t have a legitimate reason to complain. Not like some of the women I met in the halfway house who had nothing and yet they were slowly picking up the pieces of their ruined lives.
    Woe is me lived again and I felt the tears as they began to fall from my eyes. I knew Colin would misinterpret them and he did. He thought he’d caused me to cry and immediately, he sat up and took me in his arms. His embrace was warm and he smelled delicious, like a mixture of a freshly washed body, expensive cologne and just a hint of something smoky. Not cigarette smoke because for someone who indulged, I had yet to sniff the reek of stale smoke on his skin or his clothing.
    “Hey, come on, don’t cry. I’m sorry. I can be a real dick sometimes. It’s my past rearing its ugly head when I was the king of one night stands and treated women like shit. I’m not proud of my behavior and although I was a total misogynist, I still loved and respected my mother. I couldn’t quite understand how some women had so little regard for their bodies that they would give it up so willingly for a little spending cash and maybe a trinket or two.”
    He breathed deeply against my neck and I wondered if he was trying to smell my perfume or inhale a part of me. “I knew you were different from the moment we met but…I didn’t want to overstep my boundaries. I know about the relationship you have with Drew and he loves you…a lot. Too much. I would hazard to say he’s still in love with you and if he could, he’d make you his again in a heartbeat.”
    We separated reluctantly and I wiped my tears away with the palms of my hands. “That’s not gonna happen. I guess a part of me is in love with Drew too but we’re not meant to be together. I love him because he was my first love and the first…and only man…I have ever shared my body with but he and I—it can’t happen again.”
    Colin gave me a look that made those gorgeous crystal blue eyes of his sparkle. “Have you told him all this because when he gets drunk…the times I have seen him out of control which are few and far between, he moved out here to be with you. There is still a part of him that wants you two to get married and have a couple of kiddies.”
    “I don’t even know if I want kids and he knows that. We’ve just been best friends for a really long time and God knows if I could…change the course of action, I would but…” I trailed off as my Android phone began to dissipate the awkward silence with the very raunchy “S&M” by Rihanna.
    Shit, it was Aubrey, and I needed to hear from her like I needed an extra fucking head. I quickly leaned over, grabbed my phone and answered before the chorus was over with a curt, “Hello?”
    “Hey, sweets, how are you?” she wondered out loud.
    There was a slight slur to her speech so I knew she was drunk which wasn’t anything new.
    “Nothing much. What is it?”
    “I’m kinda stranded at the Last Supper Club and I was really hopin’ you could pick me up?”
    “Wait a minute—if you’re stranded does that mean you don’t have a place to stay?”
    “Um, duh?”
    “What about Stacy?”
    “That fucking bitch! You know I caught her and Brandon in bed together. Not that I was paying my rent anyway but do you think if your supposed ‘loaded’ boyfriend is taking care of the rent, it gives him first dibs to screw your roommate too?” she ranted angrily.
    “I wouldn’t know as I am still living with Drew and we each pay our own rent,” I replied in a crisp tone.
    “Yeah, I know.