At Swim-Two-Birds

Read At Swim-Two-Birds for Free Online Page B

Book: Read At Swim-Two-Birds for Free Online
Authors: Flann O’Brien
Tags: Fiction, General, Classics
letter.
    Mail from V. Wright, Wyvern Cottage, Newmarket, Suffolk: V. Wright, the Backer's Friend. Dear friend and member. Many thanks for yours to hand. As promised I send you my promised "good thing" which is GRANDCHILD in the 4:30 at Gatwick on Friday. Do not hesitate to plunge and put on an extra shilling for me towards my heavy expenses. This animal has been saved for this race only for the past two months and is a certain starter, ignore newspaper probabilities and GO IN FOR THE WIN OF YOUR LIFE. This horse is my treble nap CAST-IRON PLUNGER for the week - no other selection given - and I know all there is to be known about it. Old friends will know that I do not send "guessworks" but only STRICTLY OCCASIONAL advices over animals already as good as past the post. Of course I have to pay heavily for my information, each winner costs me a packet so do not fail to remit the odds to a "bob" promptly so as to make sure to not miss my next CAST-IRON PLUNGER and remain permanently on my books. Those not clear on my books by Tuesday next will be in danger of missing the cream of racing information which I expect to have available next week. So do not hesitate to plunge to your limit on GRANDCHILD on Friday and remit immediately after the race, on the same evening if possible. Excuses over winners will be ignored. If going away please do not fail to send me your new address so as not to miss my good things. Please have a good bet on Grandchild. Yours and best of luck together, V. Wright. Remittance Form. To V. Wright, Wyvern Cottage, Newmarket, Suffolk. Herewith please find P.O. for £ s. d. being the odds to 1/- over Grandchild (thus 4 to 1 , 4/-), and hoping to receive further winners of the same kind. Name, address.
    Do you know this man? asked Brinsley.
    I do not, I said.
    Do you intend to back the horse?
    I have no money, I answered.
    Nothing at all? I have two shillings.
    In the interior of my pocket I fingered the smooth disks of my book-money.
    I have to buy a book to-day, I said. I got five shillings for it this morning.
    The price given here, said Brinsley from the paper, is ten to one and say that's seven to one at a half-a-crown each way that's twenty-one bob. Buy your book and you have sixteen shillings change.
    More by accident than by any mastery of the body, I here expressed my doubts on the proposal by the means of a noise.
    Title of noise, the Greek version:
    That same afternoon I was sitting on a stool in an intoxicated condition in Grogan's licensed premises. Adjacent stools bore the forms of Brinsley and Kelly, my two true friends. The three of us were occupied in putting glasses of stout into the interior of our bodies and expressing by fine disputation the resulting sense of physical and mental well-being. In my thigh pocket I had eleven and eightpence in a weighty pendulum of mixed coins. Each of the arrayed bottles on the shelves before me, narrow or squat-bellied, bore a dull picture of the gas bracket. Who can tell the stock of a public-house? Many no doubt are dummies, those especially within an arm-reach of the snug. The stout was of superior quality, soft against the tongue but sharp upon the orifice of the throat, softly efficient in its magical circulation through the conduits of the body. Half to myself, I said:
    Do not let us forget that I have to buy Die Harzreise . Do not let us forget that.
    Harzreise , said Brinsley. There is a house in Dalkey called Heartrise.
    Brinsley then put his dark chin on the cup of a palm and leaned in thought on the counter, overlooking his drink, gazing beyond the frontier of the world.
    What about another jar? said Kelly.
    Ah, Lesbia, said Brinsley. The finest thing I ever wrote. How many kisses, Lesbia, you ask, would serve to sate this hungry love of mine? - As many as the Libyan sands that bask along Cyrene's shore where pine-trees wave, where burning Jupiter's untended shrine lies near to old King Battus' sacred grave;
    Three stouts, called Kelly.
    Let them be

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