multifaceted crystals that you hang in the window to make rainbows. When I walk through, it feels like Iâm traveling at the speed of light, like I just stepped onto a moving sidewalk that goes a thousand miles per hour. But Iâm not jolted, not pulled, just moved . I donât see ThatcherâI donât see anything, really; I just sense pure motion.
And then Iâm on the other side, and itâs so familiar that I want to cry.
Home , I think.
Four
IT ISNâT MY HOME, but itâs definitely Earth. The wind hits my face first, and I smell the familiar salty air as an involuntary smile crosses my lips.
The Charleston Harbor . Itâs midday, and the sun is high in the sky. I tilt my head back to see the sky and inhale deeply. âLove the way it smellsââ
âYouâre not really smelling it. Scent is one of the strongest memory enhancers. Just like the smell of pecan pie can bring memories of Thanksgiving with family, so seeing something can cause you to remember a fragrance.â
I glare at him, wanting to prove that Iâm not like him, that Iâm different, that Iâm not really dead. âI am smelling it. Iâm feeling the windââ
I stop. Tall palmettos blow in the breeze, but my hair isnât whipping around my face. God, heâs right. Iâm only imagining these sensations, because past experience has taught me to expect them. âSo you canât tell that I smell like wild strawberries?â
Before he blinks, I see longing reflected in his eyes. He slowly shakes his head.
âDonât you miss all the different aromas? Sunscreen, hot dogs, decaying fish?â
A corner of his mouth quirks up. âThe rotting sea life, not so much. The other . . . I donât think about it. Weâre separate from Earth. Like being in a bubble. You have to realize that your outer shell is an illusion, a security blanket so everything isnât stripped away, so you have something familiar to anchor you. Donât focus on whatâs missing. Concentrate on what you can see, observe.â
Thatâs so hard. Itâs like all of a sudden, I can only think about the sensations that are absent: the grit of sand caught in a whirlwind blowing across my calves, the tangy aroma of barbecue, the heat of the sun beating down. With a great deal of effort, I put it all aside and focus on what I can see.
Tourists pass by with ice cream cones, women wear big straw hats to protect their skin, and people hold hands, laughing. The scene before me is vivid and sharpâlike weâre watching a high-definition show from inside the TV.
I notice a little boy standing off to the side of a mother, father, and baby girl who sit together on a wooden bench with a lunch of pulled pork sandwiches and coleslaw. The boy attracts my gaze the mostâhe has a glow to him, almost like thereâs a subtle spotlight over his head.
Just down from the family, an older woman with tightly permed grandma hair sits next to an old man. She has the same glow as the little boy, and she stares at the man lovingly as he gazes over the water in front of them and into the distance. I drink in the scene, noting how she is so much more vibrant than he is, but he doesnât even seem to know that sheâs there.
I follow the old manâs eyes out over the water, to a sailboat off the harbor with a family of four in the cockpit. As they take down the mainsail, I catch a glimpse of a girl my ageâglowingâon the bow. âSheâs going to fall in,â I say. âYou canât stand out there whenââ
I stop and catch my breath. Or I experience the sensation of catching my breath.
âElla Hartley,â I whisper.
âYes,â says Thatcher. âYou remember her, too?â
âI need to sit down,â I say to him as I start to realize what heâs showing me and another wave of despair washes over me. I am like Ella