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My
expression told him that I was, in fact, serious.
     "And
where, may I ask, are you moving?"
     "I
don't know yet. That's why I'm looking in the paper."
    "Did
something happen to make you so suddenly decide this?" Yes, actually,
it did I thought to myself. I had not been sure at first where I would get
a teaching job. When I decided to accept a position close to my parents' house,
I had moved back in with them until I started getting a paycheck. After all, I
would most likely be getting married soon, so signing a year-long lease seemed
silly. But now, I realized, there was really nothing keeping me here. More
importantly, I now felt confident enough to go out into the world by myself, to
face the challenges of life head on. How much had changed in just a weekend.
    "I just
think it's time," I answered.
    By that
afternoon I had toured a new complex near the school where I taught, fallen in
love with its dark cabinetry, granite counter tops and large deck, and signed a
lease. But just a six-month one--I wanted to keep all of my options open.
    "I can't
believe you're doing this," Jill said as she watched me start to pack up
my room at Mom and Dad's.
    "Why
not? Is it so strange for a twenty-three-year-old to have a place of her own?
    "Well,
no..." she started. "It's just not like you."
    I looked up
from the box I was filling. "And by that you mean...?"
    "Just
that you don't usually make decisions so rashly. I mean, you really just woke
up today and decided to move out?"
    "Yep,
that's exactly what happened. Is that wrong?"
    "No, I
just...well, yesterday had to have been a really hard day for you. Are you sure
you aren't just being reactive?"
    "Look,
yesterday was awful The last two months have been awful. I've
just decided that I'm not going to let his decisions impact how I live
my life anymore. I'm tired of being controlled by him, even after the
relationship has ended."
    Wow. I
couldn't remember the last time I had spoken such bold words. Actually, I
could. It was sometime pre-Spencer. Jill didn’t say anything, but stood up and
started filling the nearest box with books. For Jill, that equaled approval. I
reached for a trash bag and began ridding my nightstand of junk.
    “Think Mom
will ever talk to me again?” I asked.
    Mom was not
happy with my decision to move out. Rebellious , she’d called it, though
the only rebellious thing I’d done was make a decision without first getting
her permission. Now I needed Jill on my side more than ever. Even if she was
rather thoughtless and annoyingly self-absorbed, she was much better than I at
navigating Mom.
    “Yes,” Jill
said. “She’s incapable of not talking. Personally, I’m a little jealous of the
silent treatment you’re getting.”
    She was right
to some extent. I didn’t like the fact that my mother was mad at me, especially
since I had done nothing wrong, but Jill was correct that a night without my
mother’s nagging was not the worst thing in the world.
    Mom’s nagging
was something I’d heard a lot of the last few weeks. She had a very clear
picture of how she wanted her daughters’ lives to turn out, and Spencer fit
perfectly into her image of mine. She may have even taken the breakup harder
than I did. Dating Spencer was pretty much the only thing I’d ever done that
impressed her; without him I was a disappointment.
    “Okay,” I
said, “so what do I do once she starts talking but is still angry?”
    Jill
shrugged. “The only thing that ever works for me is to make her think whatever
she’s mad about was actually her idea.”
    That
completely defeated the point of my new-found confidence. If I was only acting
on my mother’s ideas, even if it was just a show for her, how was that any
different than staying with Spencer all that time? I needed this to be my
decision.
    Jill seemed
to understand my unspoken thoughts. “Maybe if you told her what happened...”
    “And give her
the opportunity to bring up my shortcomings again? No, thanks.”
    “She