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don’t understand.  The word thrums in my brain like a dark primal drumbeat.
    It’s Daddy. 

Chapter Four
    _______________________________________________
    CHASTITY

    A fter my shift was over, I said goodbye to Andrea and hit the road north toward Belvedere and what I hope will be a new positive step in my life. No reason to stay around here tonight, so with a few extra bucks padding my wallet from Julie, I can manage a motel tonight.  Andrea promises to come and see me soon, then quick hugs, and I’m off.  Three hours away suddenly feels a lot farther as we muttered our goodbyes.
    I turn the knob on the radio and I’m met with static.  I punch at every button.  Static.
    Great, even the radio is giving up on me.  In the silence, it’s impossible to quiet the voices in my head as I drive.  I try to fill the silence by singing the entire sound track to The Little Mermaid half the way to Belvedere, but I can’t stop my mind from playing over and over the moment with Magnus today.
    Yeah, that moment. The moment when he bent down and his lips kissed the top of my head. Like he was entitled. It was unlike any sensation I can describe.
    My legs shook, my panties took a direct hit, but it was more than that.  More than just lust.  For a fleeting moment, I felt wildly connected to him, like he was somewhere I could be safe. And I wanted him to pick me up and carry me off, cradled against his bulk.
    Tears sprang to my eyes when I got to the back room and I heard the bells on the door signaling his exit.  Thank God no one saw, because I wouldn’t know what to say.
    And what he called me.
    Angel.  Babygirl.
    Thank goodness I’m heading out of town today because I can’t ever face him again. 
    I’m not sure why, but I can’t. 
    And it’s not fair because if I can’t even bear to look at him then why do I see his face every time I close my eyes?  I hear his voice; I feel his hand on me.
    Imagine.
    His fingers.
    Inside me.
    Stop.   I shake my head and roll down the window of the Corolla, hoping the November wind will clear my mind.
    He ran away too.  So that confirms it – it was definitely a mistake.  I must remind him of someone.
    Could even be a daughter.  He’s probably got ten years on me at least.  And I’m younger looking than my age, people often mistaking me for a teenager.
    Maybe she died.  His daughter.
    Yes.  That’s it.  I remind him of a daughter who died and that’s why he acts that way.  I am misreading all of this.
    So why are my nipples like rocks at the mere thought of him? And why is there a near constant SOS throbbing between my legs?  What is happening to me?
    It’s nearly 10:30 p.m. when I pull into the motel where I’ve made a reservation.  I hop out of the car and stand at the counter until a twenty-something guy emerges from the back office, licking his fingers on one hand and staring down at his phone in the other.
    “Help ya?”  He doesn’t look up.  Customer service at $19.99 a night isn’t what it used to be.
    “Yes, hi.”  I force a smile.  I heard that’s the way to make your voice friendly, put people at ease.  “I have a reservation.  Chastity Stewart.”
    He looks up slowly, mouth gaping, eyes less than focused.  There is a hint of something in the air, and from the reddish slits that look back at me, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out the smell wafting out from the back room from where he emerged.
    “Reservation?”  His gaping mouth becomes a goofy smile.  “Haven’t had one of those in a while.”  He chuckles and looks puzzled when I don’t get the joke.  “Guess you’re not just reserving a room for an hour then?  We have our one-hour special for $9.99.  No ID required.”  Another drawn out chuckle; he clearly finds himself very amusing.
    Tears nearly burst from my eyes.  This is what my life has come to.  I wish my mom was here, right now, just to help me get through the next few minutes and tell me everything