Department. Weâll have more time together. Weâll even be able to travel together once in a while. Iâll need to work my way up a little higher on the food chain, but think of the places we could visit.
How much of that had been real? âJust last night you said he knew it could be dangerous.â
âItâs always dangerous,â Ryker said bluntly. âAlways. But I didnât think it would get him killed.â
Nor had she. In her blissful ignorance, she had forgotten all the places in the world where a State Department employee would be unwelcome. No, sheâd been thinking of London, Paris, Tokyo...not little out-of-the-way consulates in dangerous countries. But of course Johnny wouldnât shy away from the dangers. He never had.
She needed to get away from this, at least for now. Ryker was shifting her mental images around like a puzzle, and she wasnât sure she would like the new picture. âSo, more about you,â she said.
âI was born,â he said.
Despite everything, she felt her mood rising to a much lighter place, and realized she desperately needed it. âThatâs it?â she asked, surprised to hear a tremor of humor in her voice.
âNo, of course thatâs not it. I had, still have, family. I grew up like a normal kid, two parents and a sister. My parents are retired now, and my sister lives in New Zealand. I get to see her once every few years. And thatâs where normal ended, I guess. The military called to me like a siren. My imaginings were very different from reality. But I think I mentioned that. Anyway, since then my home has been my job.â
None of that told her very much, but what had she been expecting? âThat could be lonely.â
âI havenât noticed it, except occasionally.â The way he spoke led her to believe there had been times when it had been incredibly lonely. She wondered if Johnny had felt that way sometimes, too. And why.
âSo youâre going back to teaching in the fall?â
She nodded. âI hope Iâm ready by then. Iâd be a lousy teacher right now.â
âHow are you filling your days?â
âTrying to get through them.â
The words lay there, stark and revealing. More than she had wanted to say to this stranger, more than she had even said to her friends. The fact that hell lived inside her was not something she felt compelled to inflict on her friends. She tried to keep it to herself as much as humanly possible. She knew she didnât do the best job of it, but she still made the effort.
âEverythingâs okay with the baby, though?â
âFine.â It wasnât really his business.
âAnd a nursery? Have you put one together?â
She felt a prickle of guilt. Her pregnant friends had usually attacked the nursery business early and had things ready months in advance. For some reason she had been postponing it, as if she could stay in this state of stasis forever. Unrealistic. Ducking. Evading what she couldnât have said. âNo. Thereâs a crib in the basement that was Johnnyâs. I thought Iâd use that.â
âNeed help getting it up here?â
It was clear he wanted to do something more than knock down a few icicles. Well, this was one task where help would be welcome. âYes, actually I do.â
She had just given him a wedge to drive farther into her life. She hoped like hell she didnât regret it.
* * *
Glad of a useful job to do, Ryker headed downstairs to the basement. Marisa had told him where to find the crib, and he didnât have any trouble locating it. The basement was clean, scrupulously organized and stocked with every tool a man could wish for. The only thing that bothered him was that the laundry machines were down here. That meant Marisa was going up and down those narrow steps at least once a week, and when the baby came sheâd have to do them even more often. He