search.”
Charlotte briefly closed her eyes. These were the things she’d tried so hard not to think about. Her family, her friends searching for her. Worrying themselves over her. Only the knowledge that she’d saved them from certain social ostracism and grief made the ordeal bearable. And of course, then Nicholas had come, needing her just as much as she’d needed him.
“Oh, they were all quite discreet about the matter. To this day everyone believes you’re residing somewhere in the north of England. James wanted it so. The gossip surrounding your departure must have kept every printing press running nonstop for well over a year. He had no desire to feed the frenzy by admitting that we had no idea where you were. In any case, when your first letter arrived two weeks later, Alex abandoned the search. I believe it was then he was convinced you had left of your own volition. It probably would have been easier for him if he thought you’d been taken by force.”
Katie sighed and extricated her hand from hers. Charlotte instantly missed the warmth of her touch. “After hearing you were settling into your new home, he seemed to close himself off entirely. He wasn’t sad anymore he was just…empty. Then he started drinking. And carousing.”
Charlotte bolted to her feet, her skirt sweeping the low center table of knotted pine. She couldn’t bear to hear anymore. The pain inside her was excruciating and blinding. “I see. You needn’t tell me anymore,” she said, trying not to choke on her words. She failed utterly.
Katie arose, regarding her with a look of concern. “It is difficult to hear is it not? It was even more difficult to watch, and I didn’t witness the half of it. You have no idea how many years James, Derek and Thomas spent beside themselves trying to save Alex from himself.”
The image of Alex lost in the stupor of drink as he caroused about town in quest of a warm, willing female almost brought her to her knees. And he’d no doubt found them to be had by the droves. But the images persisted unforgiving and relentless. She bit back a wave of nausea.
“Darling, you look pea green. Are you all right?”
Determinedly, Charlotte mentally shook it off, opening her eyes to take in the worried crease on her sister’s brow. “You did warn me it would be hard to hear.” Agonizing, excruciating were more apt terms.
“Alex loved you. He took it exceptionally hard.”
“And now? How is he now?” Silly as it was, what she really wanted to ask was did he ever talk about her? When had he stopped missing her? Within weeks? Months? Years?
Her sister gave a wan smile. “Well, he does not drink spirits anymore. Not one drop. Gave it up entirely.”
Thank God! Her guilt was suffocating enough. “Has he married?” Charlotte hadn’t meant to ask, in her heart was afraid to know. But there it was, her insatiable need to know everything about him exerting its control.
“Would it assuage your guilt and make you feel better to know he’s married with a brood of children?” Katie asked, compassion in her eyes.
God no. It would destroy her. But she had no claims on him. She was the last person who should begrudge him happiness, even in the arms of another woman.
Turning from her sister, Charlotte advanced to the bay window. “Perhaps a little.” This time she couldn’t look her sister in the eye when she voiced the lie. Moreover, it was how her sister would expect her to feel given she’d just admitted she hadn’t truly been in love with him.
“Then you’ll be disappointed to hear he remains unmarried. But the rumor is he will soon be paying court to Lady Mary, the Earl of Cranford’s daughter. It appears not only are the earl and his wife keen on the union, but the duchess as well. They hope to see them wed before year’s end.”
Charlotte couldn’t see the beauty in the profusion of budding daisies and violets landscaping the front lawn for pain and grief swelled her heart. Ready to