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which one of us would take the punishment for the latest fight . Sadly, Jake and I were only too aware that when she was like this, just about anything could happen and there was nothing anyone could do about it. Jenny and Susie were shaking in our arms as they continued to cry hysterically.

We were eventually sent to our rooms where we were told to remain, so we all sat close together , huddled tightly, listening to what was our life’ s soundtrack coming from below: banging, screaming, swearing, smashing. I was sure this could be heard all the way to the end of the street. Then all went quiet. Sometime later , M other came up stairs crying and hugging us all , telling us that our dad had left. She left no detail out during her explicit explanation, which totally shocked Jake and I. We did not believe her at first, knowing that if ever there was a woman fit for amateur dramatics, it was Heidi Sue Thomas . However, on this particular occasion , she was right. Our stepfather left to begin a new chapter in his life , something that shocked us all, not helped by mother’s descriptive way of informin g us that Robert had left to be with another man.

Mother had found Robert in bed with another man, and he admitted to being gay without hes itation when asked. During the fight that took place bef ore his departure, Robert told M other how intolerable she had become and advised her to seek treatment for her temper. Mother shouted expletives into the street for all to hear , while Robert walked away. As much as h e had begun to argue back with M other, Robert had the dignity to keep this indoors an d did not cave into Mother’s attempt to make him vent in public. I respected him for this , as I was at an age whe re I was aware of other people’s attitu des toward our family and had begun to feel embarrassed about it .
     
     
    The neighbo u rs were not favourable toward our family in the least, and I was now noticing the strange looks we received from them, along with the pointing and staring. Some of the local children were told to keep their distance from us by their parents, due to our foul-mouthed mother, something any respectful parent would do.
    My relationship with M other became more volatile as I started sticking up for Jake. Robert ’ s departure had changed me a little , and I knew there was no longer an adult around to defend us. I was now the oldest sane member of this household. It started to become very apparent to me that the way we were being treated was not the norm at all.
    I started a sking myself a lot of questions: Why us? Why our mother? Were we so bad, was it so terrible having us around? I had no idea why I could do nothing right in my mother’s eyes.
     
    I felt s ad most of the time, as did Jake; life was just too hard. Although I st ill feared M other, I told myself that I needed to stick up for Jake when she hit him for no reason, or called him terrible names to humiliate him. Robert leaving M other continued to have a downward effect on her , and the atmosphere became tenser in the hous e. Mother was drinking more than ever before, and she to lerated us even less. W e were often left outside all day, regardless of weather conditions, only to be allowed back into the house from teatime onward . We were guaranteed a barrage of abuse when it was time to go in and would once again be made to feel worthless. Another guarantee was an empty bottle of vod ka somewhere in the house that M other had devoured.

I remember one morning when M other got up early and informed me I was having my h air cut. I assumed this meant a trim, but M other had other ideas. I had lovely , long , dark hair and was very proud of those loc ks. We went to see a friend of M other ’ s , and she was told to give me a feather cut. I t was short, layered , and horrible . I hated it. This was done purely out of spite , and not because I needed a haircut. I spent the rest of that day in tears, looking at myself in the mirror , my