come back, it was going to be on my terms. This time, Fran would be proud of me.
OK: weâd have lots of togetherness. No more him vanishing with the lads ⦠But then, what if I was just being all clingy and wouldnât leave him alone and he got really, really bored and I did too and we ended up just staying in and saying things like, âErr, do you want to go to the cinema then?â âErrr ⦠donât mind â¦â âWhat do you want to go and see?â âDonât mind â¦â until we both killed ourselves! Maybe nitch that one then.
OK, weâd have lots of open public affection. Not snogging, necessarily, but a bit of hand-holding wouldnât go amiss, so he didnât look like my cousin fromthe attractive end of the family if I ever met anyone I knew.
And he could at least try and get on with my friends. Although they all hated him.
I phoned Fran again.
âLeave me alone. You are no longer my friend. You fraternize with the untouchable ones.â
âFraaan.â My genuine panic was beginning to show through.
âOK. Hereâs one test. Heâs been away for ten months, right?â
âYep. Iâve had my hair done.â
âOh, thatâs pretty subtle ⦠Anyway, heâs been away for ten months. After vanishing completely and never contacting you again â¦â
âApart from the postcard.â
âThe postcard you got two days ago when he remembered heâd left Charlie in the shit and needed to find somewhere else to stay.â
âMmm.â
âOK. Those are the facts. You are dumb enough to be there waiting for him. As a hypothetical test, one might think it would be the least little considerate thing he could do to buy you a present, right?â
âOh, Alex doesnât really believe in giving presents. He thinks itâs bourgeois.â
Now what was she sighing for?
âGod, Mel, what are you doing? Tell me youâre not putting him up.â
âMmm.â
âFantastic. Have you told Linda about the new addition to your jolly little Kennington family?â
âOh, sheâll be fine. She wonât say anything.â
âThat means the same thing, does it?â
I was getting too upset to talk. I mean, what did my best friend since age four know about my life anyway?
âMel, you know I wouldnât say anything if I wasnât worried about you and if I didnât care about you, donât you?â
âYes,â I mumbled ungratefully.
âGive me a ring when he gets in then. Whenâs that going to be?â
âEhmm, anywhere in the next fifteen hours.â
âOK. Cool. Bye.â
It was true. Alex did a horrid, horrid thing to me. Itâs just, oh, Alexâs problems â where to start? Public school, weird distant parents who divorced early, that whole deal. I was psychologically-tastic when it came to Alex. When Iâd met him heâd just emerged from his last finding-his-own-anus phase in Goa. Well, I wasnât going to be his doormat any more.
Oh good, only six hours to go.
Wanting to avoid another ear-bashing, but desperate for someone to talk to, I phoned Amanda. Some bloke picked up the phone.
âHello, is Amanda there?â
âNo, sheâs not. Can I take a message?â
I recognized that accent!
âFrase! Hi, itâs Melanie!â
There was a pause.
âMelanie â¦â
âMelanie Pepper. You remember! Mel!â
Jesus.
âOh, hi, hi there. Yes. What are you up to these days?â
Oh, Iâm just sitting in Heathrow Airport, where Iâve turned up fifteen hours early by mistake, having my hair set and waiting for my selfish ex-boyfriend who left me in shit nearly a year ago, and whom I still havenât got over, to â possibly â return from America, having walked out of my job this morning with no explanation.
âOh, you know ⦠usual