Read Almost Like Being in Love for Free Online Page B
Authors: Steve Kluger
Bill of Rights—the people had already figured one out on their own.
If it hadn’t been for the fact that conservative rich guy Thomas Jefferson (National League) and free-wheeling loudmouth Alexander Hamilton (American League) detested one another on sight, the Founding Fathers might never have stumbled upon the same secret the populace had discovered years earlier on a rounders field: the dynamic upon which to build a true democracy and, incidentally, a Boston Red Sox legacy as well.
HAMILTON
Among the most formidable of the obstacles which the new Constitution will have to encounter is the obvious interest of a certain class of men to resist all changes…. Candor will oblige us to admit that even such men may be actuated by upright intentions—but they are the honest errors of minds led astray by preconceived jealousies and fears. 'Translation: Why don’t you go knit something, you old fart?) JEFFERSON
Every political measure will forever have an intimate connection with the laws of the land, and he who knows nothing of these will always be perplexed. (Translation: Kiss my ass.)
UNIVERSITY OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
UNIVERSITY PARK • LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA 90007
TO : Andrea Fox, History Department
FROM : William Koutrelakos, Dean
DATE : April 6, 1998
RE : Prof. Travis Puckett
Andrea:
This man is a crackpot. Make sure he doesn’t carry any weapons and keep him away from the bell tower. Do you want us to be laughed out of the Pac 10?
UNIVERSITY OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
UNIVERSITY PARK • LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA 90007
TO : William Koutrelakos, Dean
FROM : Andrea Fox, History Department
DATE : April 6, 1998
RE : Prof. Travis Puckett
Dammit, Bill! We have a football team with the IQ of corn flakes flunking everything but American History. Doesn’t that tell you something?
I’ve already gotten a provisional “maybe” from Simon & Schuster and a
“probably not, but who knows?” from HarperCollins. And that’s just based on the first hundred pages!
He only needs a $30,000 grant to finish the book by next spring. Who can it hurt?
UNIVERSITY OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
UNIVERSITY PARK • LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA 90007
TO : Andrea Fox, History Department
FROM : William Koutrelakos, Dean
DATE : April 7, 1998
RE : Prof. Travis Puckett
That’s what they said about uranium. And look how that turned out.
I’ll consider it. But no promises.
The kids actually take him seriously?
UNIVERSITY OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
UNIVERSITY PARK • LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA 90007
TO : William Koutrelakos, Dean
FROM : Andrea Fox, History Department
DATE : April 8, 1998
RE : Prof. Travis Puckett
Like he was a favorite frat brother. A weird one, granted—but that’s probably why they look out for him.
And stop calling him a crackpot. He’s as sane as you are.
FROM THE JOURNAL OF
Travis Puckett
How not to Fall in Love with Your Dentist
Assume hypothetically that Dr. Goldberg retires and turns his practice over to Zack Nishimura,
D.D.S.
Assume that Zack is 28—with a killer grin and twinkly brown eyes and Gap slim-fits with the seam that goes right up the crack in his ass.
Assume that you remember your name when he asks you what it is.
Assume that while he’s checking your teeth and winking at you, you don’t moan.
Assume that his last words to you are, ‚See you in six months. Looking forward to it.‛
1. Don’t brood. He probably says that to everyone .
2. Don’t speculate. Even straight men wear Gap slim-fits with the seam up their cracks. Sometimes.
3. Don’t drive your friends crazy with this. 'Except Gordo.(
4. Don’t invent a pain in your upper left molar just so you can go back to see him again.
5. When you go back to see him again for the pain in your upper left molar, don’t overdo the groaning unless you want him to think you need a root canal.
6. After you’ve survived the root canal, don’t make things worse by paying for an
If it hadn’t been for the fact that conservative rich guy Thomas Jefferson (National League) and free-wheeling loudmouth Alexander Hamilton (American League) detested one another on sight, the Founding Fathers might never have stumbled upon the same secret the populace had discovered years earlier on a rounders field: the dynamic upon which to build a true democracy and, incidentally, a Boston Red Sox legacy as well.
HAMILTON
Among the most formidable of the obstacles which the new Constitution will have to encounter is the obvious interest of a certain class of men to resist all changes…. Candor will oblige us to admit that even such men may be actuated by upright intentions—but they are the honest errors of minds led astray by preconceived jealousies and fears. 'Translation: Why don’t you go knit something, you old fart?) JEFFERSON
Every political measure will forever have an intimate connection with the laws of the land, and he who knows nothing of these will always be perplexed. (Translation: Kiss my ass.)
UNIVERSITY OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
UNIVERSITY PARK • LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA 90007
TO : Andrea Fox, History Department
FROM : William Koutrelakos, Dean
DATE : April 6, 1998
RE : Prof. Travis Puckett
Andrea:
This man is a crackpot. Make sure he doesn’t carry any weapons and keep him away from the bell tower. Do you want us to be laughed out of the Pac 10?
UNIVERSITY OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
UNIVERSITY PARK • LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA 90007
TO : William Koutrelakos, Dean
FROM : Andrea Fox, History Department
DATE : April 6, 1998
RE : Prof. Travis Puckett
Dammit, Bill! We have a football team with the IQ of corn flakes flunking everything but American History. Doesn’t that tell you something?
I’ve already gotten a provisional “maybe” from Simon & Schuster and a
“probably not, but who knows?” from HarperCollins. And that’s just based on the first hundred pages!
He only needs a $30,000 grant to finish the book by next spring. Who can it hurt?
UNIVERSITY OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
UNIVERSITY PARK • LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA 90007
TO : Andrea Fox, History Department
FROM : William Koutrelakos, Dean
DATE : April 7, 1998
RE : Prof. Travis Puckett
That’s what they said about uranium. And look how that turned out.
I’ll consider it. But no promises.
The kids actually take him seriously?
UNIVERSITY OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
UNIVERSITY PARK • LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA 90007
TO : William Koutrelakos, Dean
FROM : Andrea Fox, History Department
DATE : April 8, 1998
RE : Prof. Travis Puckett
Like he was a favorite frat brother. A weird one, granted—but that’s probably why they look out for him.
And stop calling him a crackpot. He’s as sane as you are.
FROM THE JOURNAL OF
Travis Puckett
How not to Fall in Love with Your Dentist
Assume hypothetically that Dr. Goldberg retires and turns his practice over to Zack Nishimura,
D.D.S.
Assume that Zack is 28—with a killer grin and twinkly brown eyes and Gap slim-fits with the seam that goes right up the crack in his ass.
Assume that you remember your name when he asks you what it is.
Assume that while he’s checking your teeth and winking at you, you don’t moan.
Assume that his last words to you are, ‚See you in six months. Looking forward to it.‛
1. Don’t brood. He probably says that to everyone .
2. Don’t speculate. Even straight men wear Gap slim-fits with the seam up their cracks. Sometimes.
3. Don’t drive your friends crazy with this. 'Except Gordo.(
4. Don’t invent a pain in your upper left molar just so you can go back to see him again.
5. When you go back to see him again for the pain in your upper left molar, don’t overdo the groaning unless you want him to think you need a root canal.
6. After you’ve survived the root canal, don’t make things worse by paying for an
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