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visceral, and I hated them.
    I subconsciously moved a hand to the side of
my midriff. Rebecca noticed the small movement, and her eyes filled
with sympathy. “I thought you were better,” Rebecca said plainly. I
didn’t answer her. I hated talking about this. If I didn’t talk
about it, I could ignore the fact I was abnormal and would never be
loved. “Jillian. If you honestly think those scars are going to
keep someone from wanting to know you, then you don’t see yourself
clearly. I love you despite your scars and what they mean.”
    “That’s different,” I said quietly. “You have
to love me; you’re my sister.” I knew my family struggled
themselves with their own guilt over what happened that horrible
day.
    “Yes, I am,” Rebecca said. “And I know you
better than anyone. I know all that shit that happened in college
hurt you. I know you don’t let anyone close to you except us, your
family, because of it. But that was ages ago, Jilly. And if you
would just let people get to know you, they would discover what we
already know. As cheesy as it sounds, you are beautiful inside and
out. I don’t know a sweeter person. You’re generous and have such a
positive attitude about everything and everybody except yourself.
Why are you so hard on yourself? Stop listening to that negative
voice inside your head, okay?” Rebecca was in big sister mode now.
She stroked my arm with the back of her hand, but I flinched away
stubbornly. “You got handed a shitty deal, and then those people in
college made it worse. But you aren’t a freshman in college
anymore, Jilly Bean. Maybe it’s time to let someone in again. And I
think Lincoln is the perfect place to start. He seems nice.”
    “They all seem nice to begin with, Becca,” I
said bitterly.
    Rebecca sighed. “Okay, okay. Lincoln will be
back in a little bit. You have to think of what you are going to
say to him. You can’t just run away like you did last night.”
    “Can’t you just tell him I don’t want to see
him?” I begged.
    “Jillian, he doesn’t seem like the kind of
guy that takes ‘no’ for an answer without a good reason behind it,
right?”
    I thought of the times I had tried to say no
to him last night and had to agree with Rebecca. “So what should I
do, Becca?”
    “How about this? He said he wanted to talk to
you. Aren’t you the least bit curious what he has to say? What
could be so important that he went through such great lengths to
get your name and address?”
    I let out a frustrated groan. “I told you.
It’s probably about my stupid coat.”
    Rebecca answered back with her own frustrated
sigh. “And I told you that was probably just an excuse! Oh my God,
we’re talking in circles here. Jillian, it’s not going to hurt
anything to at least listen to what he has to say. If you’re so
sure you are right about what he wants to talk to you about, then
listen to him and let him buy you a damn coat. He’ll be happy, and
you’ll never have to see him again. How about that?”
    I stared down and wringed my hands with
worry. “And what if you’re right, Becca?” I asked softly.
    Rebecca moved to hug me. “Jilly Bean. If I’m
right, you’ll just take it one step at a time then, okay? And maybe
enjoy the fact you have a rich, handsome, professional hockey
player chasing after you? Besides, you can’t hold your past against
him. At least give him a chance.”
    I let out the breath I was holding and
returned my sister’s hug. “What would I do without you, Bec?”
    “You’ll never have to know, Jilly Bean. I
love you.”
    “I love you too,” I answered and squeezed her
tight.
    Rebecca left me alone in my bedroom to
quickly get dressed before Lincoln came back. I threw on jeans and
a sweatshirt, put my contacts in, and brushed my brownish-blond
hair out before redoing my messy ponytail. I wished I had time for
a shower. I thought I looked nice last night, but this morning was
a different story. However, I didn’t want to