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seems—goes
    kind of kaflooey, which affects the health of your first emotional
    center.2
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    A ll i s w e ll
    Research has shown that there is a biology of belonging, an
    actual biological nutrient passing between people who live together—
    a nutrient that has physical and metabolic consequences.3 All
    our body rhythms having to do with sleeping, eating, dreaming,
    hormones, immunity, cortisol levels, heart rate, and endocrine
    systems are governed by these metabolic regulators. And when
    people are together in a communal situation, their biological
    body rhythms become synchronized and regular. Being together
    in close and constant fashion the way we are in a family—eat-
    ing, sleeping, conversing, playing, working, praying—causes us
    to synchronize our biological watches. In one study, for example,
    the individual members of B-52 bomber crews were all found to
    have similar levels of stress hormones while they were working
    together.4
    When you lose this nutrient of belonging, feelings of isolation
    and lack of meaningful relationships give rise to a sense of hope-
    lessness, helplessness, and despair. And these emotions can cause
    problems with your physical health. Quite literally, your immune
    system becomes inflamed when you are depressed. Prolonged de-
    spair, loss, and bereavement that turn to chronic depression make
    your immune system pump out inflammatory substances like cor-
    tisol, IL1, IL6, and TNF-alpha. These can make your joints ache
    with pain; make you feel tired, like you have the flu; and increase
    your risk for a host of bone, joint, blood, and immune system dis-
    orders, including osteoporosis.5
    Another instance of health being affected by losing the feeling
    of belonging was shown in people who were separated from their
    parents too early or grew up with mothers who were depressed or
    unavailable. These folks had a tendency toward depression and
    immune system dysfunction. Because of this early and painful
    separation, they were unable to negotiate their sense of loneliness
    in the world.6 They often unwittingly found themselves in situa-
    tions that re-created—emotionally, nutritionally, and biologically—
    their initial feeling of abandonment. They lived sparse, frugal, and
    solitary lives that led to a sense of deprivation. The hopelessness
    they experienced throughout life ultimately rendered them more
    vulnerable to cancer.7
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    We Are Family
    A lack of security can also come after a huge shock: the loss
    of a beloved family member, an abrupt and painful move, or any-
    thing else that leaves you feeling disoriented—like a plant that’s
    been pulled up by its roots, or like being traumatically pulled from
    your home and sent to a foreign land. And science shows us that
    during these moments we can also lose our biological “roots”—
    our hair. When there is chaos between family members, there is
    an increased risk of hair loss (alopecia), not to mention psoriasis
    and other skin problems.8
    So as you can see, having solid external relationships is essen-
    tial to our health. Science backs this up by showing that “social
    integration”—wide social networks and social support—creates
    stronger immune systems. In fact, studies show that more and bet-
    ter relationships mean more and better white blood cells, which
    help us resist infections and protect us from a wide variety of
    health perils, including arthritis, depression, and the worsening of
    symptoms of conditions like tuberculosis. Social interaction also
    decreases the amount of medication people need and accelerates
    their recovery from illness.9
    Other studies show that those who had three or fewer rela-
    tionships caught more colds and were more susceptible to viruses
    than those with more relationships. Those who had six or more
    relationships got the least, and when they did develop colds, they
    had the mildest